Was There Ever A Chance?
13 January, 2009
When i was a child i saw my family in struggle for happiness and togetherness and in my early ages of life i took a wrong turn and i sold my soul. All for a little thing called happiness, something that i have yet to find in my whole life. As i got older i tried to find answers to reverse this pact i made with the devil. it never turned out to get better no matter how hard i tried when it seemed to be happiness, it turned out to just be a numb veil that was dragged over my eyes.
When i was 6 i lost my grandfather when i was 9 my father was murdered when i was 13 my mother overdosed on heroine. I kept my eyes open and tried to view the better life left on the other side of the haze, but as i slowly find happiness the haze gets thick and i lose all that i had again.
As i got older the only thing i found out that save what little life i had left in me was something that i have been taught to care for no matter what, that was love. Something so simple and yet so hard to find. I have search my entire life for something so sweet.
In a lifetime of darkness and sorrow i have forever searched for the one i can call angel, the one i see when i close my eyes at night. and the one i would love to wake that would be by my side.
I strive so hard to find something so simple. Once so easily to be in love to let my heart float the the heavens above and call upon the angels gate and share with them my blood to exchange that for love that is everlasting.
Now in my darkest days i find myself losing what i means to be alive, what it means to be me, what it means to be in love, something yet i have only found once and ached lifetimes for.
I am consumed in hatred in what i have become, in darkness that surrounds my life and yet i stand here in the haze of loneliness and wander to find love before i die. Could my pact with the devil ever come true or was i foolish enough to wish for too much
I wonder where i will end up in the rest of my years and have i waisted a lifetime for nothing?