31 December, 2008
When you first read this you will think this has nothing to do with love and heartache. Growing up with out a father. Being molested by someone you thought would never hurt you. It changes the way you are completely.
When i was a kid my parents got divorced and went their separate ways. It was hard because they always fought. He threatened to hurt my mom a couple of times and to take us away. Then my father met another women.
(These are fake names. I'm not comfortable using real ones.)
Rachel had 3 kids. The eldest son was 17. His name was Dennis. He was the product of her first failed marriage. Braiden was her second child he was 5 and Daphne was 3. I was 6 and my brother Nick was 4. We were all close in age.
My father never really liked me. He always favored my brother. I was jealous of my friends who had both parents and how they were "daddy's little girl".
I wanted that so bad. My mom began dating soon after. One after another they came and went. I never let myself like them and grow attached because i know they would leave. I always had a wall up. Even as a kid. In a sense i was always alone. I am still alone no matter how popular i am and how many friends i have. Before i get to that ill tell you what he did.
Dennis always frightened me. At night, when i spent the weekend at my fathers, he would always play with my feet. I would hide mine with the other kids so i wouldn't have to be afraid to sleep. One night he took it to far. Its hard to even say what he did now. A normal teenager would try and make it to second base with a girl his own age. He made me go that far and i was only 7. It hurt and scared me because i had no clue what was really happening.
I'm 17 now and i can still remember that night clearly. To this day i can't stand people touching my feet. Like i said before you would think this story has nothing to do with love. But it has everything to do with love. I cant let anyone into my life. I run away from relationships and anything to serious. I get into situations that make life even harder for me.
I want someone to love me. I want to love someone. To have what i see many kids have at my age. I'm not sure if my father hating me and what that kid did to me is the reason for this but its all i could possibly think of.
I have hurt so many because i cant open my heart. I'm going crazy i don't know what to do anymore