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Torn between two.

14 December, 2008

I met my boyfriend when we were in 4th grade, i liked him so much but it was a stupid little kid crush and my notebooks were covered with his and my name in ugly 9 yr old writing.

In 5th grade, he had a crush on me but i guess i didn't notice.

We started middle school at the same school but all different classes so we never talked. When 6th grade camp came around, we ended up bumping into each other a couple times at the camp. Nothing came of this either.

In middle school, 7th grade, 2 girls ended up being my best friends for the next 2 years. We were always together and i was always at their houses. One day at one of their houses, we were running around and her phone rang. It was my future bf and his friend. I asked if i could talk to them using her phone and she said yes. At first, it was the friend who had the interest in me but as the three of us talked on three way, me and my future bf noticed that we were making each other laugh so much, that we wanted to exchange numbers and speak privately.

i was 12 and he was 13 at the time. I completely fell in love. It lasted for a little over 8 months before i broke up with him. I'm not sure why i did it, it was in middle school.

I kept in touch with him after , only because i didn't want to completely lose him. I knew how much i loved him and i knew that when we were older, we could re-spark something.

8th grade went by and we lived two different lives. he even got kicked out of my school and started at another.

When i started high school, about 2 weeks went by, when i noticed him in the hall ways. I yelled out for him, so excited because i hadn't seen him in about a year! We started talking and started dating again. It lasted for about 10 months before it happened again. We broke up.

This time period of us being separated, has to be one of the most fun time periods that i have had in my life. I was enjoying being a high school kid.

Just like a spell, he pulled me back in. We started dating again in the beginning of my junior year and stayed together for over a year. We broke up because he didn't want me hanging out with my friends as much as i wanted to. It was my senior year and i just wanted to hang out after school and on the weekends. I could handle him getting pissed off at everything i wanted to do. Its kind of like i could only be with him. no one else. Or at least that's how i felt...

I was single for the last few months of high school and i started to really like one of my really good friends. We went to prom together and everything.  I was thinking about dating this guy because i was absolutely smitten. Unfortunately he had signed up for the army and was scheduled to leave a month after we graduated from high school. I was heartbroken but we spent a lot of time together before he left.

Whats even sadder is that a few days before he had to leave, my tata passed away and i was completely devastated. My ex bf was there to rescue me from my depression. He spent the next couple days at my house so i wouldn't be alone. And with that going on,i could not give a proper good-bye to my army man.

He left and i was still there, with my ex bf. My ex continued to ask me out and i finally gave in. We have been together for about 3 months. But since my army man has gone, he has written about 15 letters to me from where he is stationed. The letters consist of "i love you" words and that breaks my heart because i knew we could have had something special.

Now here comes the dilemma. We are in December and my army man is able to come back for 2 weeks for christmas... I am still with my bf but i want,more then anything, to spend time with my army man. 

What should i do? 

Most would say to break up but there is so much history...


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