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How much pain can one take..?

01 December, 2008

Im writing u this story as a personal way to seek forgiveness from that special person. we met at such a young age, we were imature yet we found love so strong between us. it grew stronger..with small petty fights here and there but end of the day we still know how much we both meant to each other..years went by. I started to meet new people..gettin to know wat i have not been doin in my life with him around. Im sure a girl would understand. And i learned no guy would ever be sincere to a girl. I went out and did things i never wished i did..then one day he found out i have lied to him a few things. i thought this was it..he dumping me..but he said he was sorry for letting him take too much out of my life. he forgave me.

He told me how much he loved me.years went by again. and it was one of those that u know u will never feel it ever again.. he showed me love that was so strong that being with him makes me feel im safe from everything. One day he told me, do u know how am i who i am now? i said no.. he told me by mistakes others do that affects his life. When he said that i thought wat is he goin through that is so painful..

He told me, everyone makes use of him, from his parents to his friends..then his said even me.. i cried..but i know i did hurt him so much. I told him that he can go do anything he wants that wil make him feel that its equal to what i did..( he could have asked to sleep wit another girl) or he could tell me if he did as i told him il forgive him and i really would if he did.. then he told me.. i have lied to u. i was so heartbroken thinkin which one of his friends did he sleep with.. but to my surprise, he said he drinks alot.. and i was so uncertain for a moment. i asked him if he had anything to do with another girl.. he said never since he was with me..(almost a decade)

I was so relieved.. then he told me, his parents treated him like he was an outsider. he gets the least compared to his siblings. his friends makes use of him because he is nice to them that they take advantage of him.. and he said even the love of his life has cheated on him. he then asked me if he were to die one day, wat are the things u wish u could have did to make his life better?? i told him everything.. and i tried doing it.. everytime he drinks he tells me.. he is sad.. he said no one understood him n felt that he is living for those he loves.. he keeps all pain within him not even telling me..

I know he is a nice guy.. he helps alot of people inneed. he takes care of me like im so much more important then his own life. he keeps on talkin about how great his family is but by fact its painfull just so i wont take his family wrongly. he is such a great person.......

Every time he goes to have a drink or for a party i remind him to drive safely.. one day came.. we faught..for something so stupid.. he went for a party.. before leaving he told me he was drunk and that he loves me so much and that he forgives me for all that i did to him. he told me to tell his family how much they meant to them..(probably cuz he's drunk he's tellin me that) i read his text and got so irritated since he's drunk.

I never got anything from him since then...Next day his friend called me. and said that my love!! met in an accident. he called me because he was told to do so if anything were to happen to my love.. and his friend told me that he forgave me for everything and hope she would continue loving him.. i cried for every painfull second that went by. i slapped my self i punched my self i cut my self i was so soulless..

I went for his funeral.. there he was..in his coffin..i brought him a flower with each petal being kissed by me. i saw him.. he was as good lookin as before only a little pale.. his family and relations and friends around him.. i hugged him and kissed him and whispered it should have been me!!

I sat by him.. his family who is crying so much.. then i remembered..the question he asked me..now its too late.his family were crying to their relatives sayin he was never treated well.. his friends told me that i was really lucky to have been loved by him.. then his brother in law came up to me.. and said, he has chose to donate his organs.

I cried..thinkin how we choose to regret after one has already gone..his family, me, friends.. he took care of me and us more then he took care of him..he was the shoulder for me always 24/7..i was there for 1hour a day because he says he dont like to bug me.. how much pain can he go thru.. how can he leave?? how can i live now??




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