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He hurts me but i still love him what to do??

17 October, 2008

OK SO I FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS PERSON ONLINE, BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME, HEAR ME OUT. I'M NO REAKY, WHO WAS LOOKING FOR CYBER LOVE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. YOU MUST READ PART ONE F MY STORY CALLED 'Online love is it possible' SEARCH IT AND READ IT, YOU'LL SEE JUST WHAT HE MEANT TO ME. YOU MUST RED THAT STORY TO UNDERSTAND THIS ONE.



I FELL FOR HIM SO HARD, I WANTED TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH HIM, BUT THEN I FOUND OUT, HE HAD ANOTHER GF. I DON'T KNOW Y HE PROPOSED TO ME, INSPITE OF HAVING A GF IN REAL LIFE. WHEN I CONFRONTED HIM, HE SAID THAT SHE WAS JUST HIS BEST FRIEND, BUT I SAW HIS MSGS TO HER, SAYING I LOVE YOU. AND SHE LOVES HIM TOO. BUT HE WOULD STILL SAY I LOVE YOU TO ME.



I FOUND IT OUT ON 12TH AUGUST 2008. I FELT AS IF I COULD DIE. I COULDN'T TAKE IT. HE LIVES SO FAR AWAY FROM ME YET I LOVE HIM SO!! I DECIDED TO STAY WITH HIM, I THOUGHT MAYBE HE'LL RETURN TO ME, BUT HE DIDN'T RETURN TO ME. HE LOVES HER I GUESS.....BUT AGAIN WHY???WHY??? DID HE ASK ME TO MARRY HIM, AND WHY DID I SAY YES??



HE PROMISED ME THAT OUR LOVE WILL LAST, BUT HE BETRAYED ME!!! IT HURTS SO BAD, IT GOT SO SERIOUS THAT I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF. I CUT MY WRISTS, AND LOST TOO MUCH BLOOD. I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL, FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE, BUT HE DIDN'T CARE....THE FIRST THING I SAW WHEN I WENT BACK ONLINE WAS THE GIRL LEFT HIM A MSG SAYING I LOVE YOU.



THEN I HAD TO GO TO HIS COUNTRY WITH MY PAPA, AND I AM IN HIS COUNTRY RIGHT NOWWW......WHAT DO I DO??? I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE...IF I SAY I LOVE YOU TO HIM HE WON'T REPLY. HE DOESN'T CARE FOR ME ANYMORE. PERHAPS HE NEVER DID, WHO KNOWS??? I DON'T KNOW Y HE PLAYED ME.



I WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR HIM, I WAS HIS GOOD FRIEND. I WAS ALWAYS THERE WHEN HE NEEDED TO TALK TO SOMEONE...TO HELP HIM IN TIMES OF TROUBLE, OR TO JUST LISTEN WHEN HE NEEDED TO TALK...BUT NOW HE JUST LEFT ME HANGING HERE....



EVERYTIME I BREATHE IT HURTS! EVERYBEAT OF MY HEART HURTS! I MISS HIM, MY HEAR AND SOUL IF CRYING OUT FOR HIM...WHY DID HE DO IT?? SOMETIMES THE PAIN IS SO MUCH, I HAVE TO LOCK MYSELF IN MY ROOM AND JUST CRY AND CRY. I WEAR MY FAKE SMILE ALL DAY LONG... SOMETIMES WHEN I SPEAK TO SOMEONE I JUST WANT TO BREAK DOWN AND CRY, AND WHEN THE TEARS COME TO MY EYES, I SAY THERE'S SOMETHING IN MY EYES. AND IF IT'S RAINING, I GO INTO THE RAIN IT HIDES ME TEARS. IT'S NEARING WINTER...THE WHETHER IS COLD...RAINY...AND I THINK IT REFLECTS HOW I FEEL ON THE INSIDE.



HE WS MY BEST FRIEND, WHAT DID HE DO THIS TO ME??I DON'T UNDERSTAND. SHOULD I WAIT FOR HIM TO RETURN TO ME? SHOULD I LEAVE HIM? I KNOW THAT IF I LEAVE HIM I WON'T EVER BE INTERESTED IN ANYONE ELSE...HELP! I NEED ADVICE! I FEEL LIKE KILLING MYSELF NOW!!!!!! AND HERE'Z THE FUNNY PART, MY FRIENDS WILL SAY TO ME, YOU HAVE THE PERFECT LOVE, WELL I SAY TO MYSELF THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK. I HAVE TO FIGHT FOR MY LOVE EVERYDAY. IS THIS WHAT YOU CALL PERFECT???







                                           Who's that girl?

                                           Where's she from?

                                          No she can't be the one

                                          That you want

                                          That has stolen my world

                                           It's not real, it's not right

                                          It's my day, it's my night

                                           By the way

                                          Who's that girl living my life?



                                           Seems like everything's the same around me

                                          Then I look again and everything has changed

                                            I'm not dreaming so I don't know why

                                           I don't know why

                                           I don't know why

                                           She's everywhere I wanna be

 















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