Sins of the father.................................
10 March, 2007
The story I am about to tell will seem like a soap opera to some of you. Had I not lived it I would have thought it one too. Typing these words has been one of the hardest things I have ever done, yet this seems to be the perfect place and time to do it.
The story begins almost ten years ago, the summer after my high school graduation. I was finally eighteen and dreamed of being free of my strict, and very controlling mother once I headed off to college. My family owned a large ranch in Mexico and we would travel there often so that my father could check up on things. My mother hated her native country and dreaded these visits. She nagged, complained and nagged some more every day we were there. I had no clue back then why she hated being there so much. In the small town in which we stayed lived my dearest friend Sophia. We became close even though my mother for some reason couldn't stand her. She never gave me a reason back then, it was just she didn't want me around her. To my mother's disgrace yet to my utter and complete shock, Sophia's brother was visiting from Los Angeles that summer and one look at him I knew I was deeply in love. Love at first sight, just like that. The moment my eyes met his, I was done. He knocked the very breath out of my lungs. Christian. That was his name. He had the greenest, most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. Yet he seemed to avoid me like the plague at first, but for me every second around him I realized I was falling in deeper and deeper until one day I finally couldn't stand it anymore. He walked me home one night after Sophia and I got stranded at a party. Unable to control my impulses and my beating heart, I kissed him. It was like a bomb went off inside me. He kissed me right back so passionately I can honestly say I lost track of where I even stood. He Our feelings grew after that, yet in secret. To my disgrace, when my mother found out he was in town, she really prohibited me from even speaking to Sophia much less go to her house. Of course I didn't listen and saw him in secret every single chance I got. Until finally one night, things went to far and we became lovers. He was my first that night, in all aspects of the word. This is where my story turns. A girl who was in love with him as well saw me leave his house and by that evening not only the entire town knew but so did my mother. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. My family had money and power in that little town, and my mother took full advantage. In her hatred for him and his family which I knew nothing of she accused him of rape. Unfortunately in that small town, money talked and everything else walked. He was arrested after my mother also realized I had been drinking and claimed my drink had been spiked. I was young, naive and in love. In what I believed to be a sacrifice on my behalf, I promised my mother I would never see him again if she would drop the charges. She agreed to my shock and surprise only later did I find out why she agreed so quickly. We flew out the very next day back to the states as I promised to do to and tried to go on with my life. My days were dark and full of heartache. I started college the next month in a complete and total state of depression. I loved him with all of my heart and couldn't move on. That same month I found out I was pregnant. It came as a total and complete shock. After weeks of turmoil, I finally decided that I had to tell him and in secret flew back to Mexico in late October, I was two and a half months pregnant. To my shock and horror, he hated me. He refused to see me after and I couldn't understand why. I didn't even get a chance to tell him I was pregnant. Stunned by his treatment I flew back home with my heart in shreds. My mother found out I was pregnant because my insurance denied my claim and sent that denial to my parents home. She was furious. So furious, she finally told me why she hated him. His father had been her first love. His father had broken her heart and married his fiancee after my mother had given her all her love and all of her soul. Thinking she was the victim, I began to resent them too. The very next week his sister called me at school and told me my mother had given him a letter signed by me saying I believed he had raped me since we had a few drinks and that if he promised never to bother me again or tell anyone I would drop the charges. Needless to say, I was livid, horrified and shocked by this. It hurt me so much, that night after explaining to Sophia that I had never written that letter and revealing to her what my mother had confessed about her father and hours of crying, I miscarried. Two days later, he was at my doorstep after Sophia told him the truth but it was too late. I was bitter, angry, hurt and in such a deep state of depression, I blamed my miscarriage on both my mother and him. He was so sorry, he cried. I refused to see him and almost a month and a half later of calling twenty times a day and coming by every night, he finally gave up and flew back home.
It's been ten years since I have seen him or back to Mexico. I am heading over there next week for a wedding and don't know what to do or if I should even go. As fate would have it, my niece is marrying a young man from the same small town in Mexico. They met in the marines when they were stationed in Germany. Small world huh? My niece also told me this yesterday. Then she said something that made my heart jump "He has an uncle, about your age, a little older, who is single and very handsome, and has never married, some girl from Chicago broke his heart like ten years ago and he never got over it. His name is Christian, maybe you two will hit off since you are single too." Tiny world!
I sit here now at this computer asking myself, shaking, trembling, sweating, and wondering why I am? It's pretty clear I still love him. I have never stopped loving him and from what she said, he never stopped loving me. Maybe this will be our time, maybe it won't, I guess I will soon know. Wish me luck, I will need it. We have so much healing to do but if god is willing, we also have alot of loving to do if it is meant to be.