Too scared to fall in love anymore
17 June, 2016
It was you who made the first move. You had one other friend who had a lot more time to spend with you than I had, because he did not have the same amount of responsibilities that I had (including certain responsibilities toward not just you but also many other friends of yours). Naturally, as a result, you enjoyed his company whereas the truth is I was not even getting enough time to make you realize how my company is like. But at the same time you were trying to make sure that I have a soft corner for you.
When I first saw you outside college and was totally surprised because I was not expecting you at that location at all, you signaled to me to stay away because you were with some near-and-dear ones and according to you, my meeting you there would create problems. So I stayed away. However, later on, you yourself wished to meet that friend of yours when it was his birthday and he too came to your house when it was your birthday. I was deeply saddened that since he has become familiar to you and your family, he has no such restrictions in meeting you. By the time this happened, I already had a soft corner for you. But he did not have any special corner for you, he had already found his calling elsewhere.
I think I should carry on shouldering my responsibilities. I am way too scared to get attracted to anyone now. That other friend of yours has already found his match. However, as far as you are concerned, I am now 100% sure that I made a mistake of devoting time to my responsibilities toward people instead of spending time with you. If I could have done the latter then probably I could become more than just a name to your family, something more than just a classmate. Thank you for showering me with appreciation, it does not matter whether it was a torrent or just a sprinkle. I will forever cherish those memories. Thank you for making my life meaningful. Thank you for making me feel special, even though you did not really mean to be a part of my life. I am sorry for not meeting your expectations.