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Sleepless in cornwall.
i have never been so sad as i am right now, i have lost the girl i love with all my heart, because i get so jealous. she was my whole life. the whole story would be to long to tell so i will make it short. We worked together last year on a holiday park, she later told me she fancied me from day one, we got closer every time we worked together, i tried to resist doing anything because she had a partner and they have got a son together. Then one night all of us went for a night out and we ended up kissing, it was like my life had become complete, i tried even harder than before not to get caught up in an affair. it was pointless, each day i could not wait to go to work and see her, we used to stay behind and have a drink and chat i used to love the time we spent together, her partner understandably did not like her staying for a drink, nothing used to happen even though we both wanted it to so much. In the end it did happen, i loved her before but now she was my life, each day she would go back home and a piece of me would die a little, rummors spread around the holiday park, and in the end she left her partner and work and went to live with her sister. In a way i was happy because i thought that this ment we could be together and find a place to live, i tried to mention it a few times but she never seemed that intrested, i saw her when i could normally after i finished work in the early hours of the morning i would travel about thirty miles to see her just for a few hours, but i loved every moment we shared. at times she would go and see her ex partner, i tried to understand,but it did make me feel jealous because she would often spend two or three days there, i did not understand why, we loved each other so much so why did she spend so much time there, each time she went a piece of me died inside, what was happening when she was there, i did not think they were sleeping together, but i was so jealous of the time they spent together. Then she told me that he was taking there son away for a week. I planned a nice meal and time together which we had so little of, i was to meet her in town, i got ready and went to meet her i was so happy. i text her and asked how long till i could meet her, my phoned beeped. i read the text my mouth went dry i stomach turned was i about to be sick, she had gone away with him, i was dizzy i read the text again i must of read it wrong, we was going to have dinner and spend time together like we used to, i didnt read it wrong, i went numb inside, angry i texted her saying it was over, she did not answer. She came back a week later and explained he had forced her to go,not knowing we was seeing each other, she was trying to keep him happy and breaking my heart in doing so. We made up, but the hurt was still there, she stayed at his a couple more times and stopped telling me she was going to go round there because it would cause a arguement, what she could not see is that each time i would lose trust in her, i tried to talk about it to her but she would never say anything saying she found it hard to talk, was i not worth trying to explain to, the man who she said she loved more than anything.As she did not explain anything i grow more and more jealous. Then just before chistmas she done it again, she went away with him yet again, i flipped my whole life had ended, why had she done this to me again, i was sure now they were sleeping together what other reason could there be to cause all these lies and deciet, for nearly two weeks they were away together, we texed a bit and she told that she had stuff to sort out and needed to be away, i believed her and could not wait for her to get back, even though i knew it would be for a few hours before she went to her mums for new year. it was strange when we saw each other because of things i had said, the next morning i said goodbye at the train station knowing it would be another week before we could see each other again, we texted morning noon and night telling each other how we missed each other and could not wait until the week was over and we was in each others arms. the day finaly arrived i was so happy, i met her of the train and went back to her sisters, we sat on the sofa and things were good, we had a couple of drinks and she brought up some stuff which i said in temper, it ended any good feeling which there were. i know we needed to talk once and for all, so the next morning i waited until we had some time together and started to try and talk, i explained that i was so jealous of the time she spent with her ex partner, and she said sorry but would not speak about anything each question i asked was met with a yes or no answer. frustrated i left to go home, i did not want to leave i wanted to sort out this mess, i ended up at the pud with jack daniles to keep me company, i would go outside and text, she said about meeting up in a few days then she would talk, i got it into my head i needed to sort it out i could not go on any longer without knowing about her and her ex, i left the pub and walked back to talk, when i got there the sight that i saw broke what any heart i had left in to a million tiny bits, she was going to see him again, i stromed out, anger rained over me, i could not control myself i was incensed by what she had done , only two days before she was telling me i was her life. still consumed with anger i texed her i wanted her to hurt like i was hurting even more so because i had lived with her lies for so long, i said things bad things stuff you would not say to anyone, i did not mean them they were ment to hurt, which they did. then i wanted her ex to know all about us, i tried to find out his mobile number, then a couple of days later i had calmed down a bit, and we spoke via facebook, we told each other that we stilled loved each other and i begun to hope that we might be able to get though this once again, then an hour later my phone rung i did not know the number so i didnot answer, then i answerd afterr the phone had rung four or five times, it was her ex daughter she told me that they had been sleeping together all the time, my heart sunk what i had suspected for all this time seemed to be true, i told her everything my anger boiled again how could i be lied to so much, the next morning brought a barrage of messages from her saying i hurt her so much, did she not realise what i had been though for weeks and weeks, she was so angry he had told her to get out and in the process she had fallen out with her sister, she had to spend the night in a hostel, i felt so bad , i arranged to meet her, by this time we were telling each other that we still loved each other, i knew we had some big task if we were ever going to make it work but i so wanted it to but did not think i had the right to ask such a thing, we hugged and she went home to her sister with whom she had made up with, i texed her to say there was so much i wanted to say but did not, she did not answer, when i got home i sent a message via facebook, i stayed up hoping she would log in and send me a message that we could work it out and spend the rest of our lives together, no answer, today i waited for an answer on facebook or a text, i found out why she did not answer, it is because again she has gone to see her ex. I sit here numb inside my heart went a long time ago my life is shatterd. i still love her with all my heart and always will.