My first and forever
I'm a sophomore in high school and I never had a boyfriend, or let alone my first kiss yet. I haven't even ever told anyone I liked them before. I was always too shy or nervous, but when I like someone it's obvious to the whole world. So you can guess that I have been though constant heartaches. When I do get rejected I take all the blame on myself- like maybe it's because of the way I look or maybe I'm not skinny or pretty enough, and maybe I'm not popular enough for them. I kept cutting myself down that I had the self-esteem the size of a tiny speck of dust- maybe smaller.
Another sad thing is that I felt like I was being punished. I mean I always was getting asked out by so many guys but I always rejected them because I had no idea who they were. Not only did I have no idea who they were but I had this...feeling that when a guy liked me I felt emotionally and literally physically sick to my stomach just by looking at them- even if they were good looking. My friend has the same thing- we called it "The Icky Feeling." We felt cursed; we felt like we were never going to get a guy who we didn't have the disgusting, stomach and heart twisted feeling.
That is when I meet him. His name was Dylan. At first I thought he was some big jerk because he always looked like he was in a crabby mood- like he just wanted to punch something. I kept my distance until he started sitting at our lunch table. He would always joke with me- tickling, throwing paper, and just having a good time with me. We also lived close to each other, so we would sometimes walk home together.
I remember coming home one night and lying in my bed wide awake. My friend asked me earlier that day if I liked him, but I didn't know the answer at the time. That is when my heart jumped. I never let a guy touch me let alone poke me unless we were really close friends. I thought, "Dylan always touches my sides to tickle me- yet I had no icky feeling." So I tested myself. I imagined him hugging, kissing, and stuff that couples do with me. No icky feeling. That never happened before; not having that feeling was like walking on the moon for me.
We were spending so much time at school together that his ex- who he just broke up with like a week ago- started being truly and honestly mean to me. I had a terrible day and week because of her; even my best friend (the one who also shared my pain with the icky feeling) was taking her side over mine! I started to go into depression because I was being betrayed and I felt so alone.
I remember falling asleep early because I was so exhausted from being depressed one day. A couple of hours later (around seven pm) my dad woke me up saying there was a boy at the door for me. I was like, "That's weird. Who could it be? No guy has ever came to my house for me..." I walked downstairs expecting to see just a close friend but there he was- Dylan- standing there in my living room looking up at me as I walked down my stairs in awe. He asked if we could talk, so we went outside on my porch because we didn't want my parents to hear our conversation.
As we talked I gazed at him- he was soaked because it was raining and cold outside. He said he came over to see if I was okay. "To see if I was okay!" I screamed in my head. I was so overwhelmed with joy- I mean he knows my last name, he could have easily just called me instead of searching for my house in the freezing, cold, dark rain! I was so filled with happiness that my heart pounded out of my chest.
We eventually went inside and up to my room where me and him talked about everything and anything for three hours. Occasionally he would tickle me and tell me not to laugh. His face would get closer and closer each time he did that until his face was inches from mine. He cornered me on my bed as half is body was on top of mine as he tickled me. Millimeters away from each others faces he told me not to laugh as I kept saying I'm not going to. That is when he slowly leaned in and pressed his lips against mine. I was a virgin when it came to kissing- after all this was my first kiss. I felt his lips part and I followed. He kissed me passionately and pulled away after a minute and gazed at me, his eyes in a daze.
We both were speechless as we got up. We went down stairs to get his shoes and coat because it was ten pm and he had to be home. We walked together half way to his house in the rain- I was cold but I didn't care. We both parted ways smiling and sharing this special thing that I will hold onto forever.