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Too much loving=too much pain.. i dunno how to forget and love again?..
used to believe in destiny.. but that was before.. I had this kababata, his name is kj.. heís younger than me.. I never thought that I will fall for him since I donít like boys that are younger than me.. but I was wrong.. yeah ryt.. I fall for him, I didnít know when it was started, I just felt it. We became too close that I had thought he also likes me as what her sister in law told me. I can say that somehow I feel that he really cares but we were still young that time so we usually fight and then bati ulit.. you know being childish .. for 2 years of being close, no one of us admit what we really feels for each other.. hanggang pakiramdaman lang kame.. at pagpaparamdam. Pero alam mu nman kasi †kung mahal k tlag ng †1 tao.. lalo pa at you really know him, ryt?..††I love him.. kasi kung hindi, hindi ako magtitiyaga n magsulat s diary ku araw arw tuwing makikita at makakasama ku sya.. for almost 3 years tuloy un..hanggang pakiramdaman lang kame.. at pagpaparamdam. Pero alam mu nman kasi †kung mahal k tlag ng †1 tao.. lalo pa at you really know him, ryt?..†††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† and after more than 2 years of being close friends, finally, we decided to take a risk of our friendship, naging kame.. at first I donít really like the idea, I love him yes but I donít want to lose him if ever it wudnít work.. he gave me his guarantee that no matter what happen we will stay friends.. and what can I do?.. our relationship isnít that normal maybe we were starting again as couple.. as usual as what I thought, it didnít last.. it last only for two months, after that we broke up and also our friendship.. I admit we both commit mistakes.. he became so demanding and that time I wasnít sure if I still love him.. but still he broke my heart that time I sold my cp thatís y we lost our communications..†after three months, we reconcile.. as frends., tuloy ulet ung communications namen.. frends n ulet kame.. I admit I still have feelings for him but Iím not a fool to take a risk agen.. I donít know what happen because after seven months, nag away kame.. and we decided to cut our friendship.. we just stop communicating with each otherÖ he broke my heart the second time around..†after seven months, finally, Iím ready to have a relationship again. The day Iím planning na sagutin ung mtagal ng nanliligaw saken.. un din ung araw n nagparamdam sya saken.. he texted me.. I didnít know that he still have my numbers.. I asked him what he wants.. he just answered that ďna hindi ku ba naicip n kya sya bumalik kasi masya dw sya sakenĒ.. as usual, ung feelings ku n mtagl kung tinago at kinlimutan ay nabuhay ulet.. continue nanaman ung communication namen for two months we just became civil with each other.. ung plano kung pagsagot sa manliligaw ku nd natuloy dahil sa kanya.. †for two months, naging close ulet kame.. pareho kameng nagpapakiramdaman.. he never tell a word.. so I decided to open it up to him since hindi pwedng ganito kame forever.. I asked what he really wants.. why did he came back into my lyf.. †naging kame ulet.. since we still love each other.. as what he said.. ung relationship namen this tym is more matured.. mas intimate sya at mas naging open kame. Nag aaway kame minsan pero naaaus din.. After my graduation, I thought my life is perfect.. I cudnt ask for more. Nung mag 4 months kame, he told me that tatagal pa kame at mahal na mahal nya aku.. nagkaroon n din xa ng job nya.. start na din xa. Nung pareho n kameng my work we still find tym for each other kahet madalas aku ung nd nakakasipot.. napapagod din kasi aku.. pero naging understanding sya at nagbabago na talaga sya.. ung mga ayaw ku.. pinipilit nyang iwasan at hindi gawen..†until one day, magkikita sana kme s meeting place namen, nag antay aku sa txt nya the whole day gang mag out aku sa ofis, nd xa ngtx.. so I was rattled n bka may nangyari sa knya so even with out confirmation from him kung tuloy kame.. ngpunta pa din aku.. nag antay aku for 1 hour and naubos ung load ku kakatx s knya pero wlang dumating.. I decided to go home.. pag sakay kun g jip, nakita ku sya, naki2pagkwntuhan sa workmate nyang gurl.. ang saket!.. nag aantay at nag aalala aku sa knya un pla.. andun sya sa iba.. that was the third tym he broke my heart..†I have waited for his explanations but 4 days had passed and he never bothered to answered my text messages so I decided na abangan sya s work nya, I have waited for him and what I get? I just saw him again with his workmate and the worst thing is he also see me but he didnít do anything to approach me.. agen, he broke my heart.. after that I decided to broke up with him.. give him up.. even it hurts.. that time I also burned my diary for him..†The next day, I went again to the place he work and I saw him again but this time they were only two, him and his girl workmate.. ang saket saket.. bket parang ang dale lng s knya ng lahat.. that night I got drunk with francis, my frend. Francis wanted to help me but I refused him as what I did to others.. I was really drunk that nyt I let francis kissed me.. when I got home.. I received message from kj.. I ask him why those things are happening?.. that nyt naging ma aus ung pag t2x namen, pero nkatulog n aku nd ku n tlg kaya..†After 2 days, nkipagbalikan aku kay kj.. hindi ku pla kaya n mwla xa..pero ayaw nya n kaci nasaktan ku daw sya..what the!.. sya pa ang nasaktan..!! but still I didnít lose hope, araw2 tintx ku sya na mahal na mahal ku sya.. cguro for 1 wik I did that.. yeah, I swallowed my pride. Nagmatigas pa rin sya.. that time I told myself to give up.. he doesnít worth it..†For 1 month, I always crying at night for a jerk person.. I even lose my weight.. even though were no longer reconcile we still have communications it only stop when I lost my cp last wik..†Its been two months and I still havenít totally forget those things.. Iím still hurting but Iím getting better everyday..†Broken_16_25070409††