Home
Love Stories
Heartache Stories
Story Archive
Love Quotes
Send Your Story
Message Board
Contact/About












Something to remember you

What do you do when the one you think is the love of your life moves on without you??

I’m 23 years old and I had never been really in love until now, and it could not have been the most inappropriate moment, or person, I fell in love with my flatmate, the only person that could not return my love…

It is said that we all have to go through something like this at least once in our lives, and some of us go out of our way to avoid it… until we realize sometimes its just impossible, the moment, the person comes, and sweeps you off the ground… and there are times when we can’t even say what it was, how it happen, nor when it started…

One look, one smile, just one at the appropriate moment and it all changes, at least for one of us, and that is it… life as you know it takes a whole new meaning… everything is different, but then again, it only changes for one of us…

I can’t really say what it was, his eyes? Smile? Maybe it was the whole, don’t know, all I know is the result, I know it damn well, I’m in love, like never before… and that he is gone… and gone forever… How can I go on feeling that I may never find anyone like him again? that I may never feel this way, that I may never find anyone for whom I’m willing to do the things I was willing to do for him, that I’m still willing to do for him, even though I know he is gone and will never come back to me…

When you try to hate and its just impossible, when you want to let go but can’t find the strength to do it, when you finally realize what hope means because you wait until the very last minute hoping he feels the same, waiting for him to save you, cause you’re so lost its impossible to save yourself… How do you start again, not looking back, and trying to look into a future that doesn’t include him?

He left me today, the very first hours of the morning… I prayed for strength, to be able to say good bye without crumbling down in front of him, but I know he knew, he knew what this meant to me, and most of all, he knew it wasn’t the same for him.

I did it, I could look at him while he turn around and left, I could give him one last hug, and I could say good bye hoping it would give me closure… the words still resonate in my head… “Good Bye, Arthur” I said while I hugged him… then he walked away, not before taking a look back at me, with those amazingly beautiful eyes, and that look that made me go crazy in love with him… and just as I’d opened the door for him to leave, I closed it right behind him… and as the seconds passed I felt the grieve taking over me, every inch of me, every thought, every breath, and then I crumbled… I cried like never before, and I was left with nothing but the memories in my head, millions of pictures, and the pain of not having him with me…

I made the decision of only allowing myself one day of pain, one day of grieve, I would let it take over me, cry as much as I could until I could cry no more, letting myself go, suffer, experience the overwhelming pain that sometimes comes with love, and then, try to turn the page, move on, just as he has now…

But before that, I have to allow myself to remember him, because after of all the pain caused, all the tears, and confusion… I still love him, and there will be nothing harder, than to let him go… and because one day, the pain will be gone, and I will be able to look back and smile, to remember him as the boy who made me love him, and I will thank him for that…

I thought the best way to remember him was to write about him, who he is, and what he is like, and why I love him as I do…

His name is Arthur, and he is French, I met him eight months ago, and from the start I knew our relationship would never end up well, in that moment I had no idea of why…

September 27th was the day, a sunny Saturday, one of the last days of summer, two days after I arrived to this country ready for a fresh start and eager for new experiences…

From the first look I could see he was young, younger than me, he looked like a scared kid who was about to face a world he knew nothing about, and I wasn’t wrong about that, he was 20 and it was his first time away from home.

We had problems from the beginning, and back then, I can admit it, I described him as a spoiled little mama’s boy, immature, and selfish… not far from who I was to be honest.

We didn’t feel comfortable together, and for the first time, I didn’t know how to get to him, and I don’t think he knew how to get to me either; there was always tension, and even though we tried, we always seemed to end up saying or doing the wrong thing, annoying each other… I thought he hated me, and for a while he wasn’t my favorite person, until it all changed…

As I said, I can’t tell when it was, or how it happened… but one day things just felt different… he changed, and I did as well. I guess it all started when he said “we’ll leave whenever you want, I’m waiting for you” that day we were getting ready to go out, or that “I want to walk home with you” that afternoon in school after he asked me to wait for him… Maybe it was all in his eyes, the way he looked at me while he pronounce those words was the turning point, it changed everything for me… now I just think I got it all wrong…

After that I started seeing him in a different way, it was a lot easier to spend time with him, we could make jokes, and I finally felt relaxed, we were at last being ourselves, and I could see a different side of the spoiled boy, I could see the man that he was, the amazing personality hidden from me, the man who new who he wanted to become, that wanted to take control of his own life, altogether with the sweetness of his eyes and of his smile…

Of course there were some faults, but I was amazed by the fact that a high maintenance princess like me, could look way beyond that, and still focus on how perfect he truly was, I guess I was already in love, and it was too late to categorized all that was wrong, since it was always overshadowed by all that was right…

I think physically he might look like any other to someone else; he is tall, has fair skin, dark messy hair, and is very thin. There is no point on emphasizing what I think is his killing feature, his light-green eyes, topped with long eyelashes and the sweetest look I’ve ever seen… physically, at least for me, this all add up to perfection.

The sound of his voice is only topped by the sound of his laughter, and that French accent almost everyone seems to hate, became the only sound I truly wanted to hear, the sound I looked for every time I entered the room, and the sound I will deeply miss every day from now on…

He left his scent in every inch of this house, and it will be imprinted in my memory forever, hoping one day I could scent it again. He never smelled like any known cologne, it was a combination of ocean breeze and rain, completely natural… no cologne in the world would smell more beautifully than that.

But it was him, his personality, his thoughts, even the stupid things he says and does that made me fall for him. He reads all the time and therefore can talk of almost every topic, knows facts that most people ignore, he has a very “special” taste in music and cinema; overall, a fascinating person, someone who is always a question mark, who can surprise you all the time.

I spend weeks in silence, laughing with him, talking to him, helping him, smiling, keeping in my mind only one question, what it would be like to kiss him. And if I ever got to do it, would he kiss me back?

I was haunted by these thoughts for a long time. But they were a lot better than the ones that came after… Does he love anyone else? I wasn’t sure of what he felt for me; I guess I was stupid to assume there might have been something by the way he looked at me… that look only seemed to be for me… But I started to think I could be wrong; after all, he wasn’t trying anything with me… could it be that I could love someone so much, and not having that love in return? How can God, or the Universe, or life itself let my love for him grow in such proportion, if he wasn’t going to love me back? There was only one way to know, and it took me a while to gather the strength to let him in my little secret.

But after of giving it enough thought, spending a couple of sleepless nights, and feeling I was running out of time, I did it… I let the secret out, and I am embarrassed to say I could even do it face to face…

It was two weeks ago, when I finally realize I could not let him go without letting him know I love him, without knowing if there was at least a little chance or a tiny sparkle in his heart for me… I told him I just needed him to know, and if he didn’t feel the same way, there was no need for a response; I could get the message from his silence.

I put all my hope on the letter I sent, every word I wrote was true, I could feel my hands shaking, and my heart bit at 100 m/h, I felt courageous and stupid at the same time, imagining every possible scenario, from an “I feel the same way” to a cold and sharp silence… whatever it could be, I was ready, if it was a positive response I was prepared to give it all to him, to make this the best two weeks of our lives, to enjoy every second, of every minute in everyday until we had to say good bye… If the response was negative, I promised him, and myself, I would not make it hard for any of us, I would act normal; I would remain the same until the end…

But I couldn’t keep my promise…

There was no response; he chose silence to deliver his message… From that moment my heart started crumbling one bit at a time, with every look, and every smile he gave at me trying to act as normal as he could, he took a piece of my heart. I tried to be fine, but it was not easy, I could not avoid my anger, not with him, with life, with love, with God, I didn’t, and I still don’t know why it had to end in that way, I couldn’t cope, and I know my pain hurt him too, I could see it in his eyes…

This past two weeks have been the hardest of my life, I’ve been confused, angry, sad, happy at times, but still very much in love, and that only made it harder.

For the last few days I couldn’t even look at him, I felt ashamed, betrayed, stupid, I wanted to blame him, to find anyone to blame… but I can’t, I can’t even blame myself…

I didn’t wanted to say good bye, I wanted him to know I was in pain, and if possible I wanted him to feel my pain as well… And then I realized I was only hurting myself, and I was also hurting him, and I couldn’t hurt him, my pain is too strong, and I don’t want him to feel it.

He was out most of yesterday afternoon, and I had time to figure out how I wanted this to end; I could face him, say good bye, or let him go just like that, without a closure... Luckily, I chose the first one.

When he arrived I gather up my strength again and from the first hello, I knew I’d made the right choice… He smiled at me again, he looked at me as if he was glad to have me back, I knew then that he wanted it to end that way too, I understood that he never meant to hurt me, and that whatever pain I could have caused him was gone.

And so it was that today, I could say good bye, I could see him go, and even though I could not be happier to have the last look he gave me in my memory, I can only be utterly sad, because I know I will never see him again, and I still don’t understand how I can love him so much, and can not have his love in return… I guess I understand now, this is what love is all about; you have to fall, before you learn how to fly…

Good bye Arthur, You know I will miss you, but you will never know how much I really love you

May 29, 2009

back
        | report story |
| comment on story |







| Love Stories | Heartache Stories | Love Quotes | Story Archive | Send Story | Message Board | Webmasters | Contact/About | Text Only | SiteMap

| Add to Yahoo | Add to Google | Add to MSN | rss feed | add to google toolbar Add Newstories to Google Toolbar |



© astorytoshare.com