It's what you deserve
About a month before I went on a school holiday to Japan in September 2008, I met the man who would change my life forever. We celebrated our first month in Japan and things couldn't have been better. I was madly in love and I knew he was too. He was the main thing in my life. He was the reason I believed in love. Finally, i thought to myself, I have met the man of my dreams. The one i've been waiting for my entire life.
Even after we got back, my life had been the best it had ever been. My feelings only grew stronger and stronger with each passing day, each memorable kiss, and each "i love you". For another four months at least.
About a week after out five month was Australia day. I was suppose to go to his house for the night (which I would have preferred) but was cancelled. So, instead, I went to a friends and stupidly got drunk (for the first time). As the night progressed, I got more and more out of hand. At the start I was harmless, until I kissed (pecked) a good friend of mine. It was somewhat between the lips and cheek. (I was drunk so my aim wasn't at all spot on) For the rest of the night, I was in tears. The guilt had overpowered even my drunken self.
The next night, I rang him and explained everything. All thought he didn't admit it, I knew he was shattered. We lasted another two weeks. I remember that day like it was yesterday.
I was so excited to finally spend a day with him. We were going to the beach for the day, just him and I. I wanted to show him the new me. And prove to him I was the same person I was when we first met. I remember when he showed up, I was watching Jackass. When he arrived he claimed he wasn't feeling very well, but wanted to go anyway, so we did.
About five minuted away from the beach, he asked to turn around because he really did not feel well. I could tell something was wrong. He was very distant and wouldn't let me touch him.
When we arrived at my house, he called his parents to pick him up, so, we waited out the front. We were just talking normally. Until his dad drove around the corner. He then turned to me and said "I really don't know how to say this, I think we need a break"
as soon as I heard those words, I felt my heart stop beating. I swear my heart missed a beat. I felt so ashamed, unloved and heartbroken. But at the same time, I thought to myself, it's what you deserve.
It's been almost three months since he broke up with me, and still nothings changed. He hasn't got anyone else, nor have I. My heart is still on the way to recovery, I still have a long journey ahead of me, but, I will never, ever forget my first love.
I will love you forever.