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Just Another Season

It's crazy how ones life can up and change over night. You can be happy one day and the next have your world crashing down on you.  You never understand why or how things happen  and who's to say you ever will.  You can be told how you will lose friends and how you can lose everything and not have it sink in til years later.  Life is full surprises, lately I've been feeling like I've lost everything.  Everyone I seem to care about leaves me and I'm left all alone.  I open my heart to the world and I get nothing back but pain and heartache.  I've lost so many people I've loved its become unbearable.  I've cried so much I can no long cry anymore. The memories of my past haunt my mind and the scares on my heart remained sealed but not all the way healed.  I long for closure and understanding but no matter how hard I try to make people understand they can never truly understand the things I go through and the pain I feel and the the marks that are on my mind and heart.  I crave to be loved!  I dream of going num from all things that bring me down and harm me. I wish to escape to a place where no one judges me and a place where no worry lives.  I don't expect you to no where I'm coming from but I just need to lighten the weight I carry on my shoulders.  MY life has turned upside down, my best friend changed up on me and our friendship was lost and never to be found.  My dad abandoned me and denied me. For years I've blamed myself for his mistake and for years I've tried to forgive a man I never got to know and who never wanted to know me. MY mom struggled to raise me and me sister and she always made sacrifices to make sure we didn't go without. The people I grew up with are in a different world and I no longer have friends.  Once high school hit reality hit too.  I realized I had no true friends and people change like the seasons. You get used an abused and let down in life, you have to pray to find love.  You can easily mistake lust for love and be in a illusion.  Love hurts and does not come easy . You give yourself to a person not knowing if they have given their true self but just going on hope and the things they tell you. The things they tell you can be lies and empty promises.  MY life has been filled with many empty promises. Some times I would get tired of getting let down so much on many occasions I've tried to end my life because I felt alone, unloved, unwanted,mistreated, ignored, and just invisible.  I've stopped  trying to end my life and now I'm just trying to get through my life.  I just have to take it one day at a time!   TO BE CONTINUED***  



By:Rain



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