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HURTING SOOO BAD

I met my boyfriend in my matric year and after great struggle with my parents we were together. We were madly in love and made the perfect couple.  We were happy together and after six years another woman came into his life.  They ran away together leaving me sick and hurt, she fell pregnant and has a baby gal with him. 

 

This hurt me deeply because i cannot have children.  I gave this guy everything he needed and he let me down.  He said we could still work things out and be together because he doesn't love this other woman.  I tried but he never gave me the attention i needed and the baby became an excuse to keep going to her and they still see each other.  This went on for a further 3 years and i continued in my pain and misery alone.  He used to beat me up for money because he lost his job and wanted me to support his baby and other woman, and i loved him sooo much that i did it but finally the hurting became so intense and the beatings so bad that i became suicidal. 

 

After 9 years in my relationship and a lot of thinking i decided to leave him.  But he will never let me live my life although he is living with her now he still calls me and fights with me for money and tells me he will kill me if i ever find another man in my life.  I am not ready to move on because i am still hurting very badly and i still love him and i will never understand how he could change from the the once loving person he was to become the person he is now.

 

All i wish for every day is for god to take away this pain and hurt that i carry with me every day.  I want to be happy again and i want to smile again i want to be the carefree person i used to be. 

 

One day he will realize he lost a diamond while he was too busy picking pebbles.

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