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He was perfect, a distant lullaby in my heart.

you walked to the door I stepped beside you to stop you from leaving, you turned around as your tears streamed down like razor blades, you looked me in the eyes as my tears started to melt down my cheek. I hesitated to touch your hand, to breathe the air in your lungs, you took both my shaken hands kissed me on the cheek as I could feel the pain in your tears I placed my hand son your cheeks gazed into your beautiful eyes that made my heart beat earthquakes. As I said “can i…for the last time?” slowly and painfully our lips collided in one your hands wrapped around my body just like they used too find the right place, you lifted me up and drew me closer to your body, our lips slowly drew apart and you held me just one last time, your turned round…as your hand slipped away from mine, just like our hearts drifted apart. And then I realized something that can be your everything, in an instant you can be left with nothing.

- that is a poem i wrote about the boy i love. the boy who left me bleeding inside for him, who left me aching in places i never thought i Had inside my body. it was in the summer combining 2008 & 2009, sharing our love with each other for 6 months, although i had loved him long before then. as he had with me, i guess i miss him, but sometimes i think to myself is it him..or do i just miss the place he played in my life..that you don't have with everyday people. we shared this unconditional love, neither of us thought would end so quickly.

and still to this day can actually feel the inside of my body crumbling into dust, the clock ticking slowly as my pulse painfully speeds throughout my body, my eyes fighting back tears that can only be wiped away with your hands. My knees weakening at just the sight of you, the sound of your voice send shivers down all the way to my toes. The taste of your kiss that drew a part of my soul all the way into yours. And finally my heart breaking little by little, peace by peace now I’m standing here with nothing left. This world is holding me down, I’m falling father then I ever could have imagined. I remember how perfectly your heart shaped around mine and how it molded my every hurt worry and need and now that’s not there protecting it and reassuring me your always there, forever,   he was perfect, a distant lullaby that sends me to sleep every night.

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