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A man i ever wanted but could never have.....

march 18 2009,





am....nagsimulang magulo ang nanahamik kong mundo ng dumating at nakilala ko c NICE.(screen name nia:-})



i was in fourth year high school ng makilala ko cya....actually kaklase ko cya...



at first,i dont like him because his so irresponsible,happy-go-lucky guy and super presko.....as in buhawi sa kayabangan.....:-)sya lng ang hindi ko gaanung kinakausap sa klase....



until one night..someone called me...una ayoko sagutin.akala ko miscol lng...peo nagring pwin ung phone ko....so i decided to take the call....



nagulat ako ng magpakilala cya...hindi ko inaasahan un..'



i asked him wer did he get my number..savi niya sa kaklase dw nmin na preho nmng close....

nung una ayoko cyang kausapin....peo hindi ko lm kng bkit ayw nmn pindtin ng kmy ko ang end call...so,ang ginawa ko nakipagusap ako sa knya.....at....nagusap kmi hanggang umaga!!!



after dat we became friends....very very close friends..



naniniwala na ko na first impression last..



his a nice guy....he makes me laugh..khit na corny na ung joke nia natatawa prin ako...then i realized that...sa harap lng cya luko-luko peo sa likod nun nagtatago ang isang sensitive guy....

as the days goes by...lalo kmi nagiging close....my tawagn pa kmi....nasany na ang mga kakalse nmin sa closeness nmin..

open kmi sa isat isa....walng sekreto.....



alm ko na,na im in love with him....msaya ko,kc akala ko gnun din cya sakin....(naniniwala na ko na marming namamatay sa akala...)



one saturday..me and my girlfriends hang out...



nasa isang fud chain kmi nun....



lhat kmi masaya..ng bigla na lng magsalita c CLUB(screen nym ng gurl)



she said.."oo nga pla,nanliligw c NICE sakin.."



lht kmi napatingin sa knya....shock kmi lht lalo na ko...

alm ng buong klase na wlng kahilig-hilig c nice sa pakikipgrelasyon,,,,



i asked club..'tlaga??kaylan pa???'



'last,last wik pa.."club said..



ng umwi ako sa bhay...wla ko sa sarili....ang alm ko lng my kng anung bgay ang sumulpot sa puso ko saka tinutusok un.....



i was hurt....badly....



the next day....when i was about to entr the door of our clasroom..he called me...



patakbo cyang lumapit sakin...he greeted me...saka tinanong kng bkit nakapty cp ko last night..



"ah,tinatamd kc ako magsalita kgbi kya pinaty ko.,"i said...he just laughed,...gusto kng takpan ang bibig niya para di cya maktawa para di ko na marinig ang tawa nia...pkirmdm ko natutunaw ang tuhod ko....(imagine that???)



hinihintay kong savihn nia sakin ang tungkol ky club....peo hindi nia sinavi....and it hurts me more...



after 3 wiks.....



i heard the most painful news...



NICE AND CLUB was officially on..



and it hurted me like hell...



pagkauwi ko nagkulong lng ako sa kwarto ko..and i cried.



gusto ko ng mapatpos agad ang skul yir para di ko na cla makasama sa iisang klase..



seeing him with other woman give me hellish pain...



next morning...



again..he greeted me...i just nodded...



i felt sicked that tym.dhil masakit ang ulo ko at kulng pa ang tulog ko kakaiyak...alm kong maga ang mata ko...pero wala kong pakialm.....



hinawakn nia ko sa braso....

he asked me..."whats the problem???umiyak ka ba???sinong nagpaiyak sau...??"i looked at him..i saw concerned in his eyes......gusto ko na namng umiyak...pero pinigilan ko...



i just smiled,and said."wala,mejo my nngyari lng na di maganda,,"



hindi nia prin ako binitawan....i just sighed...

'nagway lng kmi ng mam ko'i said....i lied....i have to do that....



finally he let me go...



"r u okay??'HIM



"yah..balik ka na sa gf mo bka sabunutan pa ko nun pagnakita kng nakikipgusap sakin..."i smiled...saka ko tumalikod...



ayoko magarl ng tym na un....gusto ko lng tumango sa desk ko at pumikit sympre umiyak.....pero hindi ko ginawa....ayokong mkta nila na affected ako....



then someone teased me...



'alm ko na kung bakit malungkot si -----..nagseslos lng yan...."



the whole class tease me...i just stare at them and said



'DI NO...DMI LALAKI JAN....MS GWAPO PA SA KNYA..."again i give them i fake smile...hindi ko cya tiningnan...ayoko makita niya kong ganu ko nasasaktan...





that nyt...nagkulong ako ulit sa kwarto ko.....umiiyak...my phone rang...ayoko sanang pansinin....pero ayw timigil sa pagtunog....kya sinagot ko na.....



it was HIM...



he asked me.. 'UMIIYAK KA BA??'



i said.. "DI AH....NAGISING KC AKO SA TAWAG MO KYA GNTO BOSES KO...BKIT NGA PLA???NU KAYLANGN MO???"

i heared him sigh....



i asked him.."problem??"



he laugh peo mahina lng...



'wala,akala ko kc ako ang dahilan kng bkit ka umiiyak e."



i was shocked....una akla ko nabingi lng ako....hindi ko alm ang sasavihin ko....oo ba ko o hihindi???



'hello??'said he..



'yeah..im still here...anu nga ung savi mo???'



i felt stupid that tym......he sighed again...





'wala,,gue bye na...'



pinatay ko na....that night i decided to avoid him....i think its the best thinng to do..





hindi ko na cya nilalapitan..lalapit pa lng cya lumalayo na ko...kinakausap ko lng cya pg kaylangn...

he keep on teasing me.....lgi rin niang kinukuha ang bag ko saka pahahabulin sakin....lgi ko cyang binubulyawan...lgi akong nkasimangot sa knya....pero imbis na maaasar at mainis...parng tuwang tuwa pa cya....nkita kong nagseselos sakin c club.....i dnt want to ruined our friendship...lalo kng nilayuan c nice...di ko na pinapatulan ang pngaasar nia...hindi ko na cya hinahabol pg kinukuha nia ang gmit ko...



im tried...im still hurting...i love him so much bt i have to moved on...



lalong lumalala ang png aasar nia sakin....natutuwa ko kc khit papanu napapansin nia ko pero naiinis na din ako.dhil pakirmdm ko ayw nia kong magmove on...



still hindi ko cya pinatulan....





til one day..uwian nmin....absent c club nun...

he confronted me....wla naganung estudyante sa skul....dhil ngpalate tlga ko ng lbas dhil ayoko cyang makita....



kya nagulat ako ng makita ko cya sa lbs ng campus nmin...lumapit sya sakin...he yelled at me..he asked me what the hell is my problem??...i was shocked...un ang unang beses na nakita ko cyang galit at sumigaw....he apologized...he asked me again...



naisip ko maybe its about tym na sabihin ko sa knya ang totoo...so...sinabi ko nga.....svi ko na palibhasa manhid cya kya di nia marmdmng mahal na mahl ko cya....

after that...umalis na ko....

hanggang sa graduation di kmi nagusap...iniiwasn ko cya.lumapit cya sakin nung patapos na ung graduation....hinila nia ko sa sulok saka ko niyakp tht tym im scared...bka kc my mkakita sa min....



i heard him whisper...he said..'im sori for hurting u...importante ka sakin...but i cant love you back...'after saying those words he walked away...

then,i realized that his the one guy i ever wanted but could never have...







im in college now....but still im in a process of moving on...i still love him....wal kong balita sa knya...at ayoko ring makibalita.....i know someday i will meet the right guy for me........i hope nainspire kau kahit kunti.....hehehehe.....

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