Torn Between Two Lovers
This story is about my self. Once I've been in love to a guy but he didn't;'t recognize my worth. here it goes.
I am working overseas. I met him, from that day I thought I will not like him as a friend. Because he is a great bully. When the time goes by I realize he got this attitude which I like most. He can make me laugh even in his small jokes. and get mad to his below the belt comments. There was a night spending until 3am in the terrace sharing stories from love, heartaches, family and other life experiences over a cup of coffee. I cannot count how many cups of coffee we take that nights. I was so happy by then and I didn't realize that I am falling in love with him. I cannot tell or share that feeling because it was absurd. i am a lady and it is inappropriate for me to make the first move. And it was so fast that my feeling for him to develop.
When the time comes that its time for him to go for a vacation, I thought it was a longing month but I have friends whom I can talk to. I was denying about my feelings because my reason is "I work abroad not to find a guy but to work." Because of them I didn't realized that the month will be over for his vacation and he will be coming back again. Then one day I got a message that he got already a girl back home. It was a painful day for me but what can I do. Then questions starts running to my head, the what if's. What if I told him before he leave that I love him? But all of my questions where vanished because of my reason why I am here.
He came back, I was so happy. Happy that he is back!Happy that he is happy with his girl. I must think that he is not for me. I thought I can hide my feeling for him. When he and his girl fight over petty reasons I am into rescue to help them. Because I don't want him to be lonely. Even in his family, If they will call ans ask for money I am there lending him money. I am doing this not because he is a friend but because I love him and I want him to be happy.
Until one day we became lovers, I don't know how. I cannot hide my feelings anymore. i know he already got a girl back home but still I continue maybe because I really love him and hoping one day he will broke up with the girl and focus on our relationship. We eat together, before our relationship was secret the it became vulgar. but no one dare to ask because it was obvious that our relationship is more than friends. I'm just a girl who fell in love with the boy.
Even if our relationship is like that, I didn't pressure him. I didn't ask him about my status in his life. It was very painful for me seeing him sending messages to the girl even in front of me and even saying I love you to her. I cannot ask him because I know in the first place my position. For almost a year our relationship is like that. and its time for his vacation again.
I sacrifice my own family for him. I know its too much but I cannot control my self. I lend him money because his money is not enough. he will spend 1month in the Philippines without money. But the money which I lend to him is for my family. I also something for my family which he promise to give it personally to them but it was broken. He promise at least to give me a miscall or SMS but he didn't. and when he was confronted by my sister for this promises, she was just smiling which make her really mad. She know that she should not tell anything about his debt to me but she has no choice but to tell him that he should come back to pay his debt to me. My brother also was mad to this guy. he said to me that he will punch this guy once he saw him. but I told him to do anything because it was me whom he will hurt and people might thing that I was a third party to their relationship, because I know that he has already a girl and i allow these things to happen.
If he respect me and if he recognized my worth to him he will at least be considerate what I feel. It was really painful but I need to rise where I fall. It is not easy to forget all of waht he did but at least I will forgive him and accept any reasons he prepare. I will be honest to what I feel, I still love him but I need to forget him because he is not worthy of my time and love and caring. But it will take time. I hope it will be agood days ahead of me.
Thank for reading my heartache story.. for all who will read this kindly give me your suggestions and comments, even if it hurts I just want to know the views of the readers so that It is easy for me to decide. here is my email firstname.lastname@example.org, you can send me messages.
Thanks and God Bless!!!