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He was my first and true love

29 September, 2008

i am in 4th yr highschool when i first saw him, i can never forget that day im riding in a bike and he's standing in the middle of my way, as i past at him.. i felt something that i cant explain..he's eyes,the way he smiles at me.. at that point he ask for my no.with his friends.. at first i thought it was just a young puppy playing love... but as i go back to my place i keep on remembering he's face until christmass.. at that time i used to hate him because he's so rude .. maybe im too judgemental.. but as time goes by we keep on texting each other until summer.. going back to that place make me so excited to see him. im happy that he notice me..and he wants me to be his girl..honestly... at that moment i said yes..now were officially couple.. first, it was just a game...coz he's far from me..we can only see each other every,xmas and vacation.but he proves me that this is not a game to play.. everyday when were together we always keep promises that we will never give up..were meant to be and our world is ours... every moment passes by.. we fell in love so deep..that we cant even put down the phone..talk until the sun rises.... eventhough we oftenly see each other we are both true to ourselves..now i know this is how it feels to be in love..i love him at that moment and i can give up everything for him...eventhough he's not studying at all.. i can still love and fight for him..coz he is my world my life... until he decided to go back in school.. im so happy with that i thought everything will be fine and the same.. until he's cellphone had been repaired he doesnt even know what will he do to contact me..3 weeks ive been waiting for his call and just a single message.. i kept on crying longing for him..until he texted me.. he says sorry for all i gave him my forgiveness and just when i thought it will go back the way we used to be.. after few weeks my auntie called me that someone saw my bf having a girl with him...the hearing that they saw them kissing...i really felt bad..its like someone just stab my back.. everyday,everynight...im so alone crying in my empty room... for me its better to let go...so i give him up... so evrything to me is hard..but when the comes that im already okay...even though im not definetly out of him..i can go on with my life..it was end of nov..he texted me and he wants me back.. im so weak...that i still give him a chance...he is my biggest weakness.. i love him and i dont want to lose him again!so we fix it..he broke up with the gurl and told me that he dont love her..he was just push through by his friend and he was been flirt by that gurl... so everything backs to normal..were both happy...we enjoy things again.. his mom treating me so nice... her sister..everything is perfect again...he was there at my debut. i introduced him with my whole clan..coz i know..he is the one im spending my life too... so things are perfectly fall in to place..until this vacation he change a lot.. he doesnt call me when it is our monthsary..when ill go looking for him he cancels all of my calls..sometimes shout at me.. he keep promises that he cant keep...it was my grand dad's burial.. i decided not to go their instead ill go to his house and look for him..i dont want to lose him again.. as i came to their house i saw him sleeping... ill cry in front of him... so we talk about all the things..the problems.. he beg for my forgiveness again..and he starts to cry..we both hug each other..until we kissed and fire just start to grow deeper as i gave up my whole self to him...i never regret it.. wer so happy... he knew that this is important to me..the first man i gave my whole life is the last man i want to be with...but time flies..he goes back being insensitive...doesnt text me if im not gonna text him...and another problem just occur..he was a stupid acting little boy playing computer...he had been addicted to that game...that sometimes he yells at me.. he doesnt even knoe what happens to me ... im 2 months delayed.. and im seeking for his attention... i try to use P.T but it was negative...but still few weeks had past by..i still dont have my period.. until ive noticed...i begun to have red spot.. i thought it was a mens.. i was wondering why my napkin has a full blood and i just wore it 2-3 hours ago... even when im in shower... i know there's something wrong... and for someone's opinion... now i knew what it was... i miscarriage.. now my baby is gone.. as her father is there playing infront of the computer games... i didint mention it to him..he just know that it was negative... it was june...it is school time..vacation are ended...he's texting me like he was in school...but her mom text me..and i found out that he's lying he stop again... so i ran through their house even though its far.. i saw him...he is sleeping...he's lying..he is not in school... so i hit him... yell at him...the he cry...as my tears keep on falling down my face... he hug me..and asking me not to leave him..at first i want to give him up.. but i keep on holding on.. coz he promise me that he will stop being that loser infront of that computer...so i decided to help him..and share my time to him even though im in college... but im still wondering..am i a bad girlfriend..did i treat him so bad...to give me all this pain... after a few days her mom texted me..saying that he still plays that stupid game everynight till dawn...when me... im just trying to look for his school so he can have his exam...fuck i was really pissed off... so i broke up with him... many months had passed...i still love him..and he keeps on saying that he still loves me... one night a gurl try to approach me in chat..and keep turning me down... saying all the things that happen to me and to my x... but in the end... my x is behind in that stupid chat... saying i was a bitch..evevrything..but i still forgive him... because all of this pain i know..he can still be that man as i knew before even though were not coupled.. xmas came.. i really miss him..my bday came.. he doesnt greet me but instead he greet me late... and saying that he wants me back... i have a new bf at that time.. as i broke up with my new bf just for him.. i thought it could be ok..and fix our unfinished business..but he hang me...in the middle of nowhere... he says he has no fone but he has..saying that he forget he's password but he keeps on using he's email...im so stupid loving him... now im graduating in college..trying to find my future someday..now he has a new gf...younger than me...but him??>...he was still stucked up in his chair facing his computer...he chat me one night and saying that he doesnt love his gurl..he cant find me with her..and he'll do anything to make me come back...i just said..do as u want to do.. yeah..im still give him that chance that he always want..but since then..he doesnt even chat me again nor tex me..and one day ill try to call him he just cancel my phone again...2 years of pain..but it was 2 years of happiness with him..behind this story he looks so bad..everybody thinks he's bad.. but i know there's always a reason..i admit my mistakes but i hope someday he may learn how to admit he's wrong.. and i know he can surely start a new ,life..no one knows=) hardly..hurting moving on... but i know even though its hard.. at least i can live on my own..and now..id be graduated and definetly bolt my goals..id been stupid for him..lose everything for him even my bestfriends and my family... its not too late..coz im so lucky having them...and i can say.. im so happy right now..eventhough in the end of the day i cant sleep and still thinks of him...i know god give me strength to conquer this pain everyday that why my friends and family he gives to i can have strenght to a very new morning=)



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