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21 January, 2008
Im your typical teenage girl. i wouldnt say im drop dead gorgeous but i am enough to get the guys at abercrombie to turn their heads. i fell in love with a guy last year in the spring, he and i felt like we had been drawn together by the Lord. He had been going through rough times with his family and needed someone he could lean on and bounce advice off of, but mostly someone to show him he deserved love, i only wanted to give love and feel like someone wanted me too. WE met at work and flirted and pre-dated for two months then he asked me to be his girlfriend, i said yes and so began our courtship. At 16 girls work off of emotions, he and i would go to the beach and other romantic settings. Spilling our hearts out to each other and feeling connected. Little did i realize at the time that my deep inner part of my heart was saying that this wasnt the man of my life, he wasnt strong enough, my brain overrode it and we dated for a year. He promised to be there, for dances, my tears. we planned our future out enitrely, we had baby names picked out. i know it sounds awfully childish, but as teens we dont really understand love, so we take the closest thing we have to it; infatuation. He told me he couldnt wait to see me walking down the aisle towards him, that he would die if i left him. this always bothered me... i wanted a man. a guy who yes would be broken if i left but wouldnt show me the weakness or speak of it. i wanted a guy to make decisions. he never did but i still loved him. i gave him parts of me that i dont regret, yet wish i had waited longer... we never had sex yet the small acts we did perform i felt at the time were becasue i wanted to keep him with me, not to lose him. now i see that he would be worth losing if i had to do that to keep him. He promised to be here for me, they all do. But how am i supposed to know when the guy i am meant to be with says it.... and means it?