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He'll always be with me!!!!

31 May, 2007

It kills to know that the only one you can ever love has hurtyou. My story is similar to "my heart will remain broken forever"'s story. Except that my guy had done many other stuff.

Not just that he wasn't loyal, but heprobably hated me. God knows why he asked me out. Maybe only to abuse me. Because that's exactly what he did to me. And ever since i went out with him, he put some rules and made them clear. He told me that I wasn't allowed to sit with guys after it was 9 o'clock (even family members) unless he was there. He told me that i wasn't allowed to wear anything that would show my skin. I had to wear long-sleeved shirts.

He would also beat me up if any other guy only looked at me. Last time, we were out together and we were ordering. He told me to order for him. So there I was telling the waiter what we want. The waiter didn't hear me, he kept telling me "What?" I reapeated our order like 3 times. Then my boyfriend got really pissed off, so he told the waiter to cancel our order. He took me out of the restaurant and he started screaming at me.

He even pushed me to the ground and started kicking my leg. It became really blue and numb. He took me back home, and I promised him that i won't tell anyone. I didn't break the promise. Everytime we were together he would raise his voice at me, and i would lower mine. I still loved him very much. I could've broken up with him, but I didn't want to. I told myself that every guy at his age is very bossy, and that all that screaming and beating up would stop 1 day.

Anyhow, we stayed together for like 5 more years, and he hadn't changed a bit. But unfortunately, he became sick. He had leukemia. So he became weaker. But he still wanted to be bossy and that I should do everything he ever told me. I didn't want him to die. I didn't want his situation to be worse so i did exactly what he told me. He became an alcoholic, and he told me not to tell his doctor. I told him that the doctor should know because he will help him and anyway the doctor is going to find out eventually. He got really mad because i said this, so he threw his bottle at me. I still have that huge scar on my hand.

When he injured me by his bottle, he told me to go to the hospital, but i refused. I told him that I'll take care of it. And that was the first time he wouldn't get mad because i disobeyed him. However, from that moment and on, he started to show me some love. He never beat me up again, he never screamed at me again. And if I was hurt, he would try to make me feelbetter. Especially at night, he would wake up and hear me crying and ask me what's wrong. Ofcourse I wouldn't tell him the truth. I didn't want him to feel bad because the doctors said that he had less than 2 months to live.

I moved in with him to help him out since his father left them when he was 5, and his mom was very busy at work. I did everything i can possibly do to help him. But he told me to stop. He told me that if I'm going to serve him until the day he dies, then he'd rather that we stop seeing each other. I didn't serve him no more. But i was there for him the whole time. I even quit going to school so that I can stay with him. My parents really got mad, but i told them what was happening and they dealt with it.

A week later, it was midnight, and he still wasn't asleep. I peeked at him in bed, he was writing something. I wasn't nosy, so i didn't ask him what he was writing. 2 days later he died. He told his nurse to give me that letter he was writing. I didn't know hat to do.

There he was laying in bed, dead. The doctor wanted to take him so that he would be buried. I didn't want them to take him. I held on to him, and i was crying so hard. I was screaming and I was beating up myself. I wanted to go to grave instead of him. But I had no choice. I couldn't make him live again. After the funeral I decided to read the letter.

Dearest Lynn,

I'm sorry for all the tough times I gave you. I thought I was showing you my love. I set those rules because I cared, andsince you're the most beautifullady i have ever seen i feared that others would steal you from me. I really am sorry, and if i had the chance to rewind time, i would undo everything and we'll start all over again. I would make you the happiest person alive. I still don't understand the reason you stayed with me and didn't want to break up. Anyways, thank you for all the care and love you showed me. I really appreciate it. Just move on with your life, and try to find another guy who would ofcourse be better than me. Don't stay with a guy if he treated you badly. He don't deserve you. Maybe i didn't deserve you, but i didn't know it until the last weeks of my life. If i had known earlier, then I swear by my life, i would have treated you as a queen. I just want you to know that even though im dead right now, i still love you. I am loving you in grave, and i will love you in heaven.I

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