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Has he ever let it go

12 December, 2000

I still want to believe that my husband is the one for me. He was and sometimes still is the very man I pictured myself being married to.

In the beginning, he showered me with love and attention. There was never a bad thought in my mind about him until I found out he was married to his little boy's mother. I never knew that he was married because all of his time was spent with me (day in and day out). I was told that they were separated and then finally they were divorced. After a year he proposed and told me that I was the one he wanted to be with, that's why he waited so long to ask me to marry him because he wanted to make sure that I was really the one.

After marriage, I still could not get over the fact that I was his second wife and what could have ever went wrong with the mother of his child. Was it her or was it him?? That thought just never left my mind. Then one day we were talking (supposedly as friends) and he asked me "how many people had I slept with before him?", I didn't feel that was any of his business because my past was my past and it had nothing to do with our future. When I refused to answer him our life was turned upside down, there was a lot of silence in our lives, frustration, lack of trust, etc. That was a year ago.

I really don't know if he has ever gotten over the fact that I never answered his question, but I really feel that he will always hold that against me. I can tell the anger in his voice when we have a simple disagreement.

I don't know whether we should talk about it or let bygones be bygones.

The question is .....


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