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Grasping onto love

11 January, 2002

I was with him for three years. Each day I clung to as if it would be our last because somehow I felt that an end would have to come.

I loved him more than my own life, literally. And I somehow shoved the abuse aside in order to make him a better man in my own mind. But the abuse became too much. I soon after found out that he had been carrying on another life. He had been seriously seeing at least five other women and spending time with prostitutes and strippers. All of this when I thought he was away on business. There were business trips with another woman to beautiful hotels and fancy restaurants, and I stayed home waiting for him to return with just enough money of my own to eat very simple meals. It broke my heart. He would show other women a good time but never wanted to take me out, always claiming that he didn't have enough money to do so.

Now I am pregnant with his child, which I love more than my own life. But I am away from him and the heartache persists. I think that more than heartache over him, it is heartache over the betrayal. A man who betrayed every ounce of trust and dignity that I had.

Where is this heartache to go now?

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