Frozen in Time
20 December, 2007
I was a teenager when I met Eddie, my true love. Little did I know that he would forever be seared in my heart. We didn't have a long relationship but it was the relationship that would impact me for the rest of my life. We met when our personalities were being formed and we went through a lot of really hard times together. Being homeless, in trouble, and surviving. He ended up going into the U.S. Army in 1982. I was heart broken. My family was constantly persuading me to just let him go and move on with my life. Eventually, I gave in to the persuading of my family and stopped writing to him. I cried for weeks/months/years afterward every time I thought of him, how much I missed him. We totally lost touch and I thought that I would never see or hear from him again. The men that I was attracted to afterward all resembled him in some way shape or form. Even if it was unconsciously seeing a particular attribute in someone, that is what would attract me to them. I got married had three kids got divorced, got married again and I am still married to my second husband now for 2 1/2 years.
Eddie still pops into my mind from time to time over the years and I will go on a hunt for him through the Internet, etc. to see if I can find him somehow, someway. One day I looked on my space and did a name search and his name popped up, could it really be him? I left a message for him with no response. Until one day I get an email with his name on it, it was a reply to the my space message I had left 10 months earlier and it is him! It has been 25 years since we spoke to each other. We email each other back and fourth and finally I decided I had to see him. We end up making arrangements to see each other. He is just as I remembered him, charming, sweet, loving and incredibly handsome. He embodies everything that I have been looking for my whole life. When we met, I was almost hoping that he would do something that would totally turn me off so I could put him behind me and really move on. But, he didn't. Now my life is completely upside down. All the emotions are just flooding back as if they were frozen in time and I am re-living the pain of wanting to be with him and because of our circumstance, not being able to be with him all over again. True heartache is all I have been feeling. I Love my husband, but I am IN Love with my Eddie and I feel torn to pieces. Time and fate will determine my future. But, right now I am truely heartbroken.
Heartbroken in,
California
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