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Friendship is forever ???

26 January, 2002


I'm 18 years old. I may be young but I'm old enough to know the power of love. I know that it can give you a reason to live, and a reason to die.


For the past 4 months I have been struggling with an (ex) friend of mine. We have been through a lot together, good times and bad. We made a promise to always love each other and be friends forever, no matter what. As childish as that may seem I took it seriously. But now apparently because of a simple mistake I have to suffer this unending heartache. I'm sorry if at one time I didn't pay as much attention to him, I was busy, but it didn't mean I stopped loving him. Things were said that weren't meant. I feel bad for all the wrong things I've done and have tried more than once to make it up. I've been so angry with myself the past few months, that twice have I tried to end my life. I figured I might as well do him and myself a favor and get the hell out of this world. Now, he won't even let me say anything nice/neutral to him without so much as a dirty look.


I just want my friend back. It breaks my heart I can't be there to console him when he's sad, or celebrate with him when he's done good. It breaks my heart even more when he is nice to everyone else around him and treats me as if I'm a diseased monster.


Many people have told me to give up hope on ever trying to be his friend again. But hope is all I have these days to keep me 'alive'.


I'm dying inside and nobody knows it but me.

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