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Forbidden Love

05 June, 2008

Everything would have told you that this loveshouldn't happen, there was a massive age gap, we were both in relationships, yetit turnedoutto bean amazing4 month love affair which gave me the most precious memories that will last for a life time. Unfortunately the memories provoke pain at the moment as I miss her so much.



We had been friends for a few years, the friendship started slowly, no sparks really, but we always showed an interest in each other. I guess we really started to gel when we had nights out together with friends. We both loved a good time and some great nights where we danced together started something off in my heart, but i wasn't sure. Soon after that at aChristmas party we danced to "Last Christmas" after this Inew I thought this woman was amazing.



I guess after this the flirting began,one particular dayfor some reasonwhenwe greeted each otherwekissed on thelips,it wasjusta shortpeck on the lips,butit sent a shock wave through my body,wewere out with friendsthat night andweended uptalkingon ourown,talking about the relationships we were in andhow they were not perfect,we grew closer. At theend of the nightagain wewent tohave a peck on the lips,it could have gone furtherbuther partnerrang at thatpoint.I guess it wasa signso we went our separate ways.



In thefollowing monthswe didn't seeeach other a great deal, but we kept in touch on the phone and grew closer, when we did see each other we would always kiss on the lips, we never talked about it and never did thisit front of our friends, it was like we knew it was special for us, but neither of us had the courage to talk about our feelings for each other.



We hadn't had a night out for months, so when we did I knew I wanted to make the most of it, I knew in my heart I was doing something wrong, but I was out of control, I told her my feelings, to my amazement she felt the same way, again we danced and this time it was electric I felt excitement like never before. By the end of the night I wanted more but she wasn't ready. The next morning I thought it would be awkward but she was flattered by my actions and still very tempted.



A few weeks later we talked about the idea of affair, we both new it was wrong but thought we could keep it secret, and also set boundaries to keep it fun. Due to her person circumstances it was unlikely that she could ever leave her partner for me, but I didn't mind I just wanted to experience her.



After this came the first kiss and a test of whether we felt guilty for what we were doing, when we kissed it was so earth shattering and felt like never before.I guess this meant we just thought about the kiss and didn't have time to think of guilt. She then had to go on holiday so we wondered what would happen when she got back. When she finally did we still felt the same, and so decided to spend the night together, we were both scared but biology meantthatwe couldn'tgo that ultimatestep.The night showed us though thatwe loved each others company.Aweek later wemet for the afternoon,and decided that we wanted to takethat ultimate step,needless to say it was again outof this world. We fitted perfectly, and with out tryingwebothtookeach otherto higher places than we had ever been.



At the beginning of the 4 months, when we were cuddling after making love the TakeThatsong"Rule the World"came on,it was the most perfect momentand became our song.Wekept seeing each other, andin that 4 months each night we shared was better than any other night of my life. We fell in love like neverbeforeand decided that we should be togetherexclusively.



It was at this point that our affair came out in the open, to my shock it changed everything, we both felt guilt for the first time, and the love of my life decided that she wanted to finish things with me and work on her other relationship. I decided that I should do the same for my own relationship. We met up one last time to talk things through, we decided that even though it wasn't what we wanted, we were doing the right thing. Saying goodbye was the hardest thingI have ever done. We don't know whether our other relationships will now work, but we owe it to them to try. My only hope is that time will mean that I can look back on this 4 months and smile rather than feel such pain.

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