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05 June, 2008
Everything would have told you that this love shouldn't happen, there was a massive age gap, we were both in relationships, yet it turned out to be an amazing 4 month love affair which gave me the most precious memories that will last for a life time. Unfortunately the memories provoke pain at the moment as I miss her so much.
We had been friends for a few years, the friendship started slowly, no sparks really, but we always showed an interest in each other. I guess we really started to gel when we had nights out together with friends. We both loved a good time and some great nights where we danced together started something off in my heart, but i wasn't sure. Soon after that at a Christmas party we danced to "Last Christmas" after this I new I thought this woman was amazing.
I guess after this the flirting began, one particular day for some reason when we greeted each other we kissed on the lips, it was just a short peck on the lips, but it sent a shock wave through my body, we were out with friends that night and we ended up talking on our own, talking about the relationships we were in and how they were not perfect, we grew closer. At the end of the night again we went to have a peck on the lips, it could have gone further but her partner rang at that point. I guess it was a sign so we went our separate ways.
In the following months we didn't see each other a great deal, but we kept in touch on the phone and grew closer, when we did see each other we would always kiss on the lips, we never talked about it and never did this it front of our friends, it was like we knew it was special for us, but neither of us had the courage to talk about our feelings for each other.
We hadn't had a night out for months, so when we did I knew I wanted to make the most of it, I knew in my heart I was doing something wrong, but I was out of control, I told her my feelings, to my amazement she felt the same way, again we danced and this time it was electric I felt excitement like never before. By the end of the night I wanted more but she wasn't ready. The next morning I thought it would be awkward but she was flattered by my actions and still very tempted.
A few weeks later we talked about the idea of affair, we both new it was wrong but thought we could keep it secret, and also set boundaries to keep it fun. Due to her person circumstances it was unlikely that she could ever leave her partner for me, but I didn't mind I just wanted to experience her.
After this came the first kiss and a test of whether we felt guilty for what we were doing, when we kissed it was so earth shattering and felt like never before. I guess this meant we just thought about the kiss and didn't have time to think of guilt. She then had to go on holiday so we wondered what would happen when she got back. When she finally did we still felt the same, and so decided to spend the night together, we were both scared but biology meant that we couldn't go that ultimate step. The night showed us though that we loved each others company. A week later we met for the afternoon, and decided that we wanted to take that ultimate step, needless to say it was again out of this world. We fitted perfectly, and with out trying we both took each other to higher places than we had ever been.
At the beginning of the 4 months, when we were cuddling after making love the Take That song "Rule the World" came on, it was the most perfect moment and became our song. We kept seeing each other, and in that 4 months each night we shared was better than any other night of my life. We fell in love like never before and decided that we should be together exclusively.
It was at this point that our affair came out in the open, to my shock it changed everything, we both felt guilt for the first time, and the love of my life decided that she wanted to finish things with me and work on her other relationship. I decided that I should do the same for my own relationship. We met up one last time to talk things through, we decided that even though it wasn't what we wanted, we were doing the right thing. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I have ever done. We don't know whether our other relationships will now work, but we owe it to them to try. My only hope is that time will mean that I can look back on this 4 months and smile rather than feel such pain.