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06 May, 2007
I am Asian, 15 years old and a girl. When I was 9 years old I came to America. I go to a private Christian school even though I am not Christian. My parents think private school children are better behaved so I am sent there.
Well from 5th through 8th grade I went to a private elementary school. At first i was new and it was really hard, I did not speak English but I was so determined to learn and do well in my schoolwork that in no time at all i learned and was doing very well at school. That is when I started to befriend one of my classmates (we'll call him Jake) Jake is two years younger than me and his mom is one of my teachers. Our school was a one room pvt school with only a max of 30 kids so we all knew each other and were close to each other. So him and I talked all the time and we became really good friends. He had a crush on one of my classmates(let's call her Sarah) He had known Sarah since childhood and they both had liked each other for sometime. So I was helping him to talk to her and express him feelings but somehow during this time he started to like me more than just as a friend. Anyways, I think Sarah was getting interested in other guys. But Jake knew that our love would be absolutely impossible, he is a strict Christian and I am not a Christian at all and I am nottt allowed to marry guys from other religions and I love my family so much that I would lay down my life for them with a smile. So he never told me how he felt, he told one of my best friends that he liked me and he thought i was beautiful but never me. I remember in the last day that i was in that school (i graduated from 8th grade) he said "so you wont say it?" and it was just left there. Now i go to the private high school two streets away and since my little brother still goes there i get to visit sometimes but we dont get to talk b/c we are always surrounded by people.
I dont know what to do...this is NOT a crush. Other guys have liked me even in high school but i cant forget him. As long as he is in my heart someone else cannot be there so i shall either live for him, by the support of memories or go mad. I think i have decided, my life is in his name. Yes he may never be with me, our dreams may never come true but i shall love him. After all is love not about sacrafice? In the four years that he has known me he has never even touched me, now that is respect! I do believe its love! My heart is so young and its hard to look forward to a future of loneliness but I wont be disloyal!