Fool me !!!
01 January, 2002
I was 21 years old then, at that age, many of my friends had their steady boyfriends. So that I could share with their conversation, I accepted one of my suitors without being sure of my feelings towards him... the first months were just normal, we were just friends, he'd accompany me whenever I went out with my friends, they stopped teasing me about being lesbian... I knew I wasn't lesbian, just afraid of committing myself to someone else... to afraid to trust any man... 'cos I have dark past that made me hate men.
I was nearly raped by two men, close to my heart, first was my father and the second, my brother-in-law, I can never accept the fact that either of them succeeded in their sinful act, I would rather die... I can't bear the thought of being raped by my father... so I gave myself to my boyfriend whom I thought I could trust for life... but I was wrong, since then, I never had a peaceful life, he made me feel like a whore and I hate him for that, I thought he would understand my situation, that he would still respect me despite the fact that I had given him my virginity rather than being raped by my father or my brother-in-law.
I felt so cheap, when I am with him, it seems he only wants my body, and he's so possessive, maybe I was a fool then, being with him, I thought I could run away from my problems at home... but then, I was wrong, so, one day, I stood up again, think of all the things I have done, and I realized I still have the chance to change, I asked my bf to set me freee, but he never wanted to set me free, he keeps on threatening me... and I was so scared.... until one of my friends, stood by me and helped me overcome my fears, I prayed a lot for strength and guidance ... thank you Lord for all the things you have done, you make me whole again... reminiscing my past, I know from that time, I learned my lesson, not to entrust too much to men.