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First love , last love.

10 October, 2008

i met him three years ago and i feel for him almost stright away. i didn't love him to begin but i had the butterflies, he could make me go all giggly and stupid. he was gorgeous, tall, charming. perfect you may you think. how ever he was my younger brother of one year best friend.

about 6 months went by , i looked for any excuse to talk to him or see him. of corse nothing had happened and i didn't think it would but i was 100% falling for him. then i got his email....and his number. we got on so so well.

he asked to meet up and we did. wow my first kiss ! my brother was furious but neither of us cared. we tired to keep it a secret for a while but we lived in a small town.

we only lasted a month , we broke up over some stupid argument in-front of everyone.i was devastated. 2 weeks laster he had a new gf.

in the time we were going out my dad booked for him to come on holiday with us for a week next summer. my mum had done the same. i dreaded these two weeks with him...but on the other hand i couldn't wait.

the first week of the holiday was typical flirting, swimming in the sea together. going for walks. watching dvds together . but nothing physical happened. not even a kiss. on the way to the airport home we sat in the very back if the mini bus together. i felt like i was loosing him cos when we got home he was back with his gf. as soon as we arrived home i cried and cried. i was defiantly in love with him.

i was so happy to see him for the second holiday. it was major flirting again. one night in the holiday me him my brother and my friend went out for diner alone. we got pissed and the flirting got heavier. he kissed me and i pulled back knowing how much he cared about his gf. my brother saw and he told him i had kissed him not the other way around . i slapped him and my bro slapped me back. a huge argument begun but it soon calmed down. later we put on a dvd, my bro went to bed first. my friend fell asleep on the sofa . and i was going to bed he kissed me again . this time i kissed him back and it felt amazing. he carried me into my bedroom and we had sex. i lost my virginity to him. i surprised myself. my didn't regret it at the time. we didn't tell anyone till the end of the hol. we spent the rest of the week snatching kisses.i was so happy and in love.

we returned home, i knew he loved her. but he said he still wanted to see me. foolishly i said yes, and became his cheap piece on the side. but the idea of not having him at all was worse than selling myself short.

i finished it once we were back at school...cos it was killing me to see him and her so happy together . and he didnt even try to fight for what we had.

i would say it took me 8 months after that to realise i dont need him in my life. and i now regret loosing my virginity to him. only one person in the world can take it. but to be honest, if he came up to me now and said i love you and miss you id believe him.

i think there is always someone in your life who you will never be able to let go of. no matter how much they hurt you.




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