I'm a 19yr old student and about a year ago I changed from one varsity to another. I was welcomed with open arms and I immediately felt at home.
Within 2 weeks I had already met someone (Lesego) I liked and although things were going well I didn't feel that I loved him. I met another guy who swept me off my feet and within a couple of days, all I could think of was him (Senzeni).
Senzeni wasn't much of a romantic but he was a charmer, a ladies man, play boy and a smooth talker. Our relationship was on and off because sometimes I felt like I was betraying Lesego, but Senzeni had me around his little finger.
While I was busy loving Senzeni, Lesego was falling more and more in love with me. He made me the centre of his life. I couldn't see the love I was missing out on because I was in love with someone else.
Senzeni was very violent and when he found out about Lesego, all hell broke loose. He beat me until I had marks and scratches on my face, I should have left him but he was the centre of my life, I could never leave him no matter what he did. I stayed with him and broke up with Lesego.
It wasn't until we went home for summer break, after I have had time away from Senzeni and everything else that I realised that I missed Lesego. I realised that my infatuation with Senzeni kept me from seeing my true feelings. I had hurt Lesego so bad only to find that he is the one I truly loved. Now I was stuck with Senzeni and as my feelings for him faded, my feelings for Lesego grew more everyday.
I still couldn't let Senzeni go. The physical attraction between us was much too strong. Today I had the courage to finally tell Senzeni that I don't need him in my life. The truth is I should have never gotten involved with him in the first place. I missed out on a lot of things because I was focused on him.
Finally I let him go, but sadly, although Lesego still loves me he still feels the pain I caused him every time he looks at me. He's still afraid that some day I might hurt him again and its a pity that he had to go through all that pain and it wasn't even worth it.