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19 February, 2009
I met him in seventh grade in jazz band. He was a year older than me and the 2nd saxophone. I was the piano (ivory). We had lots of great times that year, but it all came to an end, as he was an eight grader and graduated middle school before I did. Another semester passed and soon, I saw him again at a Saturday music enrichment program. We met again at another jazz band and played togther. Throughout the two years, it was merely friendship to me, until high school came.
It was summer, and marching band preperations started taking place. Early mornings to late nights, we practiced and practiced and practiced. All was the same as before until he suddenly told me near the end of one of the nights that there were rumors that we should go out together. Instantly I told him that there was no chance for him, and he had mutrual feelings. But then, the more I thought of it, the more I realized how much I loved his jokes and how he'd do things just to make me smile and laugh, and I started falling for him.
The school season starteed and my love for him grew and grew. Meanwhile, we were becoming closer and closer friends. Sometimes he'd talk to me about his troubles and worries and doubts, other times he'd just hold me for the longest times. and I loved it. Every single moment of it.
My friends noticed and told me that he probably had feelings too, and then in a game of truth or dare, I was dared to give him a kiss on the cheek. Never turning down a dare before, I knew this would be tough, but it was necessary to complete, after all, it is truth or dare. So, towards the end of one of my daily walks with him to his next class where there was very few people who ever came by if any at all, I kissed him. Then the bell rang and I ran to my next class with a small glimpse of the smile on his face after the event.
I was so happy and honestly couldn't believe that I had done it.
But a few days later, it was shown that the love was in fact, unrequited. Things stayed the same, except for a few less hugs, and nothing had changed at all.
A few weeks later, he started going out with my best friend, who under the impression that I had gotten over him, accepted. The relationship lasted a month and it was almost unbearable torture for me.
I never told her that I still had feelings for him becuase I wanted them to be happy together and felt that in any case, they liked each other and my feelings toward him should not be added into the equation.
After that, my friendship with him was almost completely gone. it's still nothing like how it used to be and I miss the old times.
To the guy who can still make me laugh when I'm crying: I still hope we can be friends and I cannot tell you how much I miss you. Please tell me that things can still be like the way they used to be. Or I must have done something truly truly wrong to make you feel this way. If so, I am sorry.
For those of you reading this story, if there is any advice you could give me, I would really appreciate it. Thank you.