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18 May, 2008

Elvin is his name. He's honestly the most amazing person I have ever met. He's the sweetest, funniest, most beautiful guy I know. I met him almost two years ago. Everything he does just seems perfect to me. Although, I do know he isn't perfect. His mom smokes too much and he hates it. And, he's not really the most intelligent person in the world, but in my eyes; he's perfect. His name is so unique and that makes me love him more. He from Bosnia; which is also unique.

I actually met him in an aim chat room, the summer before seventh grade. It was probably around August when we started talking. Elvin's best friend, Juan, and I were friends for a while. I actually met Elvin through Juan. We talked all night long, the three of us. For the rest of the summer that's what we did. We talked in chats all night long or on the phone all night long. We just couldn't get away from each other. Seventh grade came and I had only one class with Elvin; Language Arts. We had assigned seats and Elvin was put right next to me. We were best friends.

We knew everything about each other. We knew what we were thinking at all times. It was so weird how fast we clicked and how much we knew about each other in such a short amount of time. But, I knew the moment I looked at him, I was in love with him. On the phone and on aim I was definitely in lust with him. But, seeing him in person changed everything. The way his dark, almost black eyes looked at me. His naturally, Bosnian, tan arms hugging me. His strong hands holding me. His perfect brown hair. His amazing smile. His cute braces.

I looked forward to Language Arts and lunch every single day. We sat next to each other in both and it was amazing. My whole body tingled every time I saw him. We texted, im-ed, talked on the phone every day. Then the day came when Elvin told me he liked Emily. I was so upset but I tried to be happy for him. He asked her out and they were boyfriend and girlfriend for at least 5 months. I hated seeing them together and I basically melted all over the floor when I did see them.They finally broke up and we were talking on the phone again all the time. We hung out a lot too and I loved it. All through summer everything was great.

And, then BOOM. He likes Kelsea. She was your average slut and I hated that he liked her. But, I pretended to be happy for him again. I could never tell him I liked him. He would just be freaked out. Especially now that he's with Kelsea. Thankfully, they didn't last long. Eighth grade schedules rolled around and me and Elvin found out we weren't on the same team. Which means we will hardly get to see each other anymore. I was absolutely devastated. But, we did have Spanish together and for two quarters we had the same cycle class.

It wasn't good enough though. The first three months Elvin was busy hooking up with practically every girl in our grade. We grew apart. I hated it. We still talked but not anything like we used to. It was horrible. He was always telling me about how many girls he was hooking up with and I wanted to rip all of their hair out. I hated them all and I hated that he would be so unlike himself. I hated him but, I still loved him. I couldn't ever get myself to be mad at him for over a day. He always had that power over me and he knew it. He just didn't know why he had that power; but he did. Kellie and Leah had a New Year's Eve party. Elvin was there and we talked for a while. Then, I saw him go in the bathroom with FOUR girls. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I cried, and I couldn't stop. Everyone kept coming up to me but, I just wanted them to leave.

Later, Elvin came over to me. This is how our conversation went:

Elvin: Are you okay Lisa?

Lisa: No, I'm not.

Elvin: Why?

Lisa: Don't worry about it

Elvin: Lisa, I am worried about you though. Why are you crying?

Lisa: It's nothing.

Elvin: Lisa, I'm not stupid. I know you better than basically anyone. Who are you mad at?

Lisa: No one

Elvin: It's me, isn't it?

Lisa: Yeah

Elvin: What did I do?

Lisa: .....

Elvin: You like me?

Lisa: Yeah, but it doesn't matter, you like kellie

Elvin: I'm so sorry, your one of the prettiest girls I know, but I think I love Kellie

I walked away after that and called my mom. I couldn't even handle listening to him talk about how much he likes Kellie and may even love her. I love him and it's not fair. And, I know teenagers are always saying that they love each other so any adults reading this are probably really skeptical right now. But, I honest to god love him. Kellie and Elvin are boyfriend and girlfriend right now. I know I'll never be able to have him. But, I know that I will always love him. We barely talk anymore because he's so involved in Kellie. It's horrible and I had to write this story because I've been so upset about him lately. I wish he loved me instead of Kellie. But, I can't change him and I know that. It bothers me when other people in my grade say they're in love because they have no idea what it means.

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