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Dont make the same mistake

15 May, 2002

I had loved this boy for 4 years before I finally won his love. We had been together only 2 months yet it felt like I had known him forever. He told me that he loved me, but I didn't believe him. At that time I was very insecure.

I cheated on him with a boy I didn't even like. I still don't know to this day why I did it. I told him what I had done and he forgave me, but I ended the relationship. Who knows why?, I certainly don't. Maybe it's what my friend calls my "defence mechanism"; I hurt them before they can hurt me.

He was so hurt that he couldn't even look at me. He told me I broke his heart that day, but what I couldn't tell him is that I broke mine too. My "defence mechanism" didn't work, I hurt more than I could know; I still do. My punishment is that I will never love anyone again. I can't because he has my heart for the rest of my life.

I keep wanting to tell him how sorry I am for hurting him and explain why I did it, but I can never seem to be able to find the courage. It's too late now anyway, he's moved on. He's happy and very much in love with someone else. I'm glad he's happy.

My advice to anyone who may relate to my situation is this:

Don't give up something that you love because it's hard, because one day you'll realise you gave up everything but the pain is still there.

Maybe one day, when my time comes, God will take pity on me and we'll be together, for eternity. Please, don't any of you have to wait until that day. Always follow your heart.

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