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Don't open your heart, too soon(part 3)
26 September, 2007
Well it's done. She made the decision to end it. Just two days before this posting she said the words...I love you. My heart is broken. Days seem like nights and nights seem like nothingness...empty and with no other purpose but to make me feel lost and broken hearted. She mentioned some hardships in our relationship like finding time to be with each other and our current situation, she being married and I with a girlfriend. Still we were dealing with some of these setbacks. She was stronger than me, I would have waited for her if she would have waited for me. Now working in the same place will make it difficult, but who cares anyway....right. I'm such an idiot for letting my heart's cries be heard and even more stupid for letting my heart convince me that it was okay to fall in love. Well, once I'm done with the crying and heartaches, which I pray to God it doesn't drive me crazy, then I will close the doors to my heart...this time forever! I just want to be alone in the darkness to punish myself...I just want to close my eyes and never open them, without dreaming or thinking of anything but darkness. Guess that's what Love does to you and though she said it's hurting her to end it, because we have no choice, I find it hard to believe or at least she's not convincing enough that it wasn't an easy decision. It's my loss and she has more important things in her life to deal with, like an alcoholic husband and two kids. I guess, I'm just another guy and there are billions of us, so why bother. God how I love her so. God why must you make it so painful? Guess I deserve it for falling in love too soon.