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Does it hurt him like it`s hurting me?

18 September, 2003


I'm struggling so hard to move on. But it's difficult when just days before, you hear words of love and hope. In just a mere minute, a simple word from him can change your life dramatically.


Just a few days ago it was our fifteen months. Throughout the entire relationship, we've always had problems and we've fought practically every day. But at the end of the argument, we still wanted to be with each other, hoping, praying that things would improve. We had our share of happy moments, but perhaps the unhappy ones won.


Just today, we both broke it off. Although we both said we wanted it, he wanted it more than me. I've realised that he will never change, and neither will I. Yet our break up hasn't fully hit me yet, and I'm still sitting here waiting for his call. But yet I hate being so weak, but the simple fact is that perhaps I need him more then he needs me.


Now I wonder if I will ever fall in love again. He was my first love and I had hoped he would be my last. We'd constantly talk of our future, and the kids we'd have, and our beautiful home and that made me happy beyond anything.


Now, abruptly, it's all over. It's so difficult to accept and the funny thing is, I can't cry. I'm still sitting here, dazed, confused, and hoping that this isn't it.


After reading stories, I realise how similar each guy is. Yet when you're with your special someone, you think he's different and unlike any other guy you've ever met. Yet in the end, they're all the same.


I'm trying to find comfort but I can't move on. I can't let go. And I miss him terribly. And I wonder, does he miss me too? Does it hurt him like it's hurting me? I know in time I'll be okay, but I'll never forget him. He showed me true happiness and rather then feeling bitter towards him, I should thank him. I've grown a great deal and it's all because of him.


It's just so hard, losing someone you love. And no words can ever make the pain and loss go away.

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