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19 November, 2008
I met her at the age of sixteen but year I was turning seventeen. The month I had been born in was a couple months after I started talking to her, [given why I was technically sixteen] I started talking to her literally the first of january the year two thousand and five. She had only been sixteen for not even a month. Late birth of 1988, I say.
I had been a member on a message board for the TV show The L Word, and pretty popular on the board, flirted with many girlies but they only approached me because they had the impression I was the "closest" person to one of the "hottest" characters, named Shane. So needless to say, most girls who talked to me pretty much threw themselves at me because I have had seem to portray enigmatically a pretty favourite character that I am blinded to see any resembalance. Anyway, on the first of January a member named Wes contacted me, asking if I could recommend them to be a moderator for another board, I replied saying agreeing I would. I remember seeing Wes' posts from tlw and that person seemed cool. Given, the name, Wes I thought the person was a male. Only I found out that 'he' is a 'she.' Apparently she had many questions on her sex, so finally fed up, made it known to the board she is indeed a female.
So we started talking after she asked for my recommendation, I felt comfortable talking with her, probably because she did not throw herself at me. She respected me as a person instead of a piece of meat. Private messages turned into instant messages daily and nightly. Soon we took a bold move to speak via telephone...
The night she called me, it was midnight my time and two oh clock am here time, when I heard that phone rang, my heart beat put the jack hammer to shame. Lifting up the receiver and speaking through a tight incaving throat, I forced an audible, "hello?"
She casually said, "hey" as if she knew it was me.
We spoke on the phone for four hours and it was magnificent.
After that, we made it a daily ritual to once home from school, we would talk online until she called me before we went to sleep.
Towards the end of January, courage helped me finally, when I finally asked her out to be my long distance girlfriend to which she accepted.
It only lasted a month.
Which confused and angered me because I finally put myself out there for some one and admitted to myself that I had fallen in love with her at moments. My view on being in love, is that I [personally] feel I ahvwe moments of being in love with some one and I can not continually still be in love every moment I am with them. I love them, but have those moments of feeling in love. That said, I felt weak when I got dropped like a hot peice of food after finally admitting I had fallen in love with her. I felt numb for a while after the break up, even missed school, I became that lame over the loss of someone. Finally my sadness turned into anger and evily plotted to speak and befriend her again to hope to get her back and make her feel pain like she caused me.
She helped me with the plan at firstm she obilivously accepted my friendship only to tell me she got with the chick she cheated with me on two days later post our break up. Nice. Thank you, bitch.
After finding she "moved on" two days later post, I let my weakness take over again and missed more school.
Finally after the recovery I took plan for avengence and had been in motion until the day she called me and cried her eyelids out to me.
Her and her girlfriend had been having many problems from the getgo.
In short: I became her friend, literally. I hated seeing her in such sad pain, I think no one deserves such pain, I do not care if that person had been the one to cause me such pain. I was her friend. The end.
Eventually I had encourage her to break up with her girlfriend and our friendship grew moree deep. Until we got back together during the summer. I got paid to go to summer school and got a temporary job, enough to pay for my round trip ticket to Dallas and back and enough to maybe buy her some thing.
Night I flew in, it seemed like a million degrees outside. I am not a fan of warmth, I love the cold. So needless to say arriving in Dallas it seems to always be hot year round. Lame sauce.
She took me on a tour of her house and we ended up in her den cuddling trying to watch TV. It eventually end up kissing that turned into a passionate craving make out session, she wanted to take it further in all the way but it was my first time, she eventually figured out the lies I had told her about being experienced but was the most patient and calm person I did not think would be.
She taught me the ways, and I became grateful for the teachings.
One night we made love and it was [...]
I can not even describe it at the moment the feelings.
As time passed, three years went by and summer of 2008 approached and realisation struck me.
We had this 'playful game' where we would put cheese to shame. The 'i love you' game...
She always won because she was irresistble to me. But in the end I had realised she was never there for me like I am constantly there for her.
We did not talk for weeks, and she finally contacted me to which I ignored until she became relentless before answering her. I suppose we settled to be friends to which I eas her friend, she had no concern to be mine, I cut her off.
Weeks went by, again, she contacted me first, I ignored her until she said some thing. Now we are working as friends. At least I became mature and took her back, but I am her friend, I do care if she is my friend. Clearly she needs me as a person, other wise she would have stopped in 3rd of March 2005.
She can confide in me and needs some one to do so.
I will always be there for her. Lover or Not.