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Dieing heart

08 August, 2008

was all alone in my life no friends no one all the time all alone I go out in weekends driving on the sreet  listening to musics and back home There were so many people who says they like me but my heart didn't like them as someone special, i smile and speck to my heart what are you waiting for and get reply back someone is there…. wait….i smile and said ok One day I met someone online and we chat with eachother like eachother and he give me his number I called gim we talked everyday than one day we met…When I saw him first I found him so different from other….quite decent  loveing careing  friendly and respectful….we met so many ttimes than I feel something strange and asked my heart beforeing y going to sleep ….is he the one you were looking for……my heart smiles…..i smile too than sleep….wake up another morning and called him and talk to him and ask him if we can meet today he smile and said sure…..When he was talking I listen to him I know he is the one …..when I meet him I feel too good and my heart feel so happy and relax but when he go away from me I feel sad…… I get used to it I cant sleep all the time missing him want to talk to him all the time…want him to be with me all the time…..at night before going to sleep I talk to my heart he  is the one right ………..i smile and feel so happy…..I was scared if he don’t like me than  ….i was too scared…. And I knew he know that I love him one day I feel so sad and msg him ……he reply I love you ….. I cry a lot don’t know why……..ithan I feel soo relax and forgot everyone and just loved him forgot my friends family all  this worlds….we used to meet everyday and talk everyday our love went to deeply and we were sooo happy but I was scared if he will leave me and always ask him promise me you will never ever leave me promise me ….he reply and smile I swear to God fofo I will never leave you I will die but never leave you …..I couldn’t do anything until I hear his voice he is like oxygen for me….i breath him …he is in my blood……one day he told he tat he is going to Switzerland for a trip I was so sad but I smile and said ok  but when he left I start counting days when he will come back when I will see his angel face…..i cry every night  every time I talk to his picture all the time missing him …..msg him a lot and tell him plz comeback email him but no reply ………I was tooo scared abt him tooo scared ….one day I couldn’t control my self and call his home …..his brother answer the phone but I hang up…he called me back I told him I,m ur brother friend where is he and when he will come back …..he said he is back and in Qatar now I was shokt went to my room locked the room hide my self and cry a lot tooo much   but than I remember his swears his love for me and talk to my heart and he said no fatma he love you he cant do that to you don’t cry he will come back………I said ok and msg him but no reply…….But one day he came back and didn’t talk to me I call him every second every minute but no reply …again I called his brother and he said he is getting marry and he don’t want to talk to you …….for a sec I stopped breathing  and went to my room locked the door and stayed quite in the corner didn’t know what to do …….. but still I call him msg him asked him to call me back I,m dieing my heart  feelin too much  pain I cant breath but he didn’t care about that he just ignored me ….. but I still keep calling him msging him……After  sending him msgs and calling him again  and again he fad up and msg me back….He said we cant be together I had a dream that our imam asked me to leave you for his good……….i was shokt and my heart stop breathing  and start crying  I crying so deep that my heart came out ……..i bagg him and ask him to not do this…….i will die…But he didn’t listen to me and closed the  phone…..i kept calling him again n again but he didn’t reply me …. One day I massage him and asked him to meet me for the last time….He said ok…….I thought when he will seee me he will hug  me and say sorry to me…..when he will see how I am without him he will  change his mind but he I was wrong……………..He came to meet  me and act like a stranger I couldn’t look at him my tears couldn’t stop my mouth shut  I was so shokt and my heart was crying and talking tom e fofo go back plz go back but I said to my heart why I run away from my life he is everything to me but my heart said to me fofo he is not yours anymore…….he said I don’t have enough time talk to me than I will go ……don’t go any where far …..ordered me to park some where close to his house…I parked and still my mouth was shut …..i was crying a lot even my heart ……….he said I,m waiting you waiting you wanted to talk to me right…or shall I go ……my heart feel tooo much pain like cutted into 2 pieces….i took deep breath and ask how how are you …he said I,m fine…I ask him whats going on why are you doing this and he reply I went to iran  with my family and pray for us than another day I had a dream that  our imam asking  me to leave you for my good and its better for me….i was shokt and my heart ……………I cry a lot and ask him don’t do this I will die with out you …I,m nothing without you  ….. he said imam told me when I will left everything will be fine and you will be alright………I was soo shokt how can he do this to me…….imam didn’t tell me how I will live my life without him………. Than he opebn the car door and left me I was telling him wait don’t go please wait but he didn’t listen to me he close the door and left me….I was crying crying crying but he didn’t hear it he didn’t feel my pain ……I cry a lot my heart came our from my body my tears bleeding ……from that time only I wanted to kill my self but  wanted to see my family first ……I had accident front of his house that my car jump one road to another road and stopped in front of his house but he didn’t come…….i stop the car and cry agaian n a again ……I went to my house went to my father room he look at me and ask me to make tea for him ……I smile  to him and said to my heart this will be  a last cup of tea that I will make for my father and heart cry again……I give him tea and he said I miss your elder siste a lot…….and his tears comes out…..i left his room and went to my room locked my self and cry a lot a lot a lot………..ask god why ……….If I will die my father will  finish ……..coz of me noooo this will not happened I have  to live for him………i cry all the night and slept when I wake up I was shoky my sister fall down  and didn’t wake up  I scream and ask brother to come …….we try to wake her up but she didn’t response after 1 hour when she didn’t wake up we took her to hospital……..they admit her and start questioning us what happened to her why did she do that …….. and when I see her hand which was bleeding she she try to cut it toooo …..i I cry and understand everything………. I was sitting front of her and looking at her…….i but still we didn’t know what she did to her self  than doctor asked me did she eat anything medicine or something…….i sasid no than after few min  I called asked my sister you have sleeping pills yes she look at me and ask younger brother to check if its there or not….he call us back no but there is an empty bottle of it…….i head down and cry aloooot…….ii didn’t knew what to do but try to wake up her but she didn’t response…….i felt so cold and no one to protect me help me copnfort me….. I called him but he didn’t reply I massage him told him I need you badly but still he didn’t reply ……I ran away from the hospital went to my car scream so loud and cry slap my self and cry cry cry ……………..when I went back home father asked me how is your sister I told him she is fine …doctor said she is not eating much that’s why she is sooo weak …..they have to admit her until she feel fine…….than went to my room and cry and slept……….Wake up and again msg  him but no reply I called him but no reply…….i just look  on the wall stayed like that like I,m dead…….he thinks I will be fine I will forget him but this will never happened I will love him forever I cant give his place to anyone else I will love him till end of my life  I will wait for you until I die…..He is fine without me…………I,m already dead just living for my father.My sister try to kill her self coz she was in love and her lover cheated it her and she couldn’t control her slf her pain I cant understand……and now he is back and crying when she is in serious condition…..I,m alone and I will always stay alone …….forever and ever I will never let anyone to ouch me anyone to love me …… he will stay in my heart always ….. iw ill live all my life with this pain…….. forever and ever…….this is what he gave me ….. I accept it H e love another women now ……… One day I will die coz this pain hurts me a lot….my heart don’t breath sometimes I have to breath harder …… my blood pressure go down …..doctor said don’t think a lot….. but  I cant even sleep all the time thinking and looking on the wall staying quite….I wish him good love and all the best  and good future…..this is my story I,m  only 21 now don’t know whne is my death …..but sooon .this pain is sooo painful my heart is so small….. THIS IS MY LIFE AND MY STORY ....... SYEDA FATMA 3:15 PM FRIDAY 10 JUNE 1987- TILL DONT KNOW BUT SOON

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