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Did I miss something ?

31 October, 2003

Yes, it began like a fairy tale. We met on vacation, by accident, and I felt that subtle but perfect click the second he spoke to me.

The short period we spent together was like a whirlwind - we spoke about everything, anything, and the night we finally both gathered the courage to say something about how we felt... well, it was a feeling I hadn't experienced in a very long time. But there are 10 years and an ocean between us. And I decided to let what will be, simply be. So he wrote me, and I wrote back, and it went on like that until about 2 weeks ago. His last e-mail said that he missed me, and looked forward to my next letter. And the letter I received in the mail two weeks ago was utterly moving and beautiful and honest. I don't remember the last time anyone spoke to me with such open feeling and genuine emotion. But that's been it. I've written back but there's no response. I've sent an e-mail and have gotten none back. It didn't just die out - it simply stopped dead. Now I'm left anxious and wondering and hurt.

The truth, any truth, would be better than this. I went through one terrible heartache a few years ago, and know that you get over it, eventually. You really do move on. But I need to know, now, what's going on. And there's no way I can get in touch to ask.

I'm living in this awful limbo. I'm hurting in silence. I don't know what to think. It seemed to be going fine - then nothing. That awful nothing.

If only he would say it was done, then I could cry it out and move on. But this... I don't know what to do with it.

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