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Deeply and Madly

06 February, 2009

You know a bunch of people say that "your just fourteen you cant be experiencing true love yet. You have your whole life to find the right person" but then i think. What if i already found the guy of my dreams? Well in my perspective i have, he's my best friend he always will be. I love him more then anything in the world and I never want to lose him. Yet, i know eventually i will have to let him go. Because me and him are on different paths... he has his ideas of what he wants too do in his life, and i have my ideas. It hurts me everyday when i think about the fact that I can't explain too him how important he is to me. Like i want too but I'm afraid that if i do, that it'll be the biggest mistake of my life. But it's so painful to just sit and watch as he talks about all these girls that he's going out with, and its so hard to sit and listen to him explain how he feels about them. Its so hard to just not blurt out to him my true honest feelings about what he's saying. To say how much it hurts to hear about this stuff. So i just sit quietly listening, thinking about what it would be like for him to be mine. Well let me tell you something one day I couldn't stand it anymore, so i did what my instincts told me too do. I told the guy that i love with all my heart how i feel about him, and guess what first he was shocked. Second, he admitted to me that he feels the same way. Sounds likea happy ending right? Wrong. Because now were together, and everyday i worry about if I'm good enough for this guy if I'm truly good enough. If i deserve him you see my mind cant decide if i am good enough. I cant really decide, and every time i talk to him i worry about if i say the wrong thing that it will ruin everything so I'm very cautious about what i say to him. And at this very moment I'm still with him... and i still worry everyday that i might ruin it... and then all that Ive worked for will go away.

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