Dear lover
23 January, 2003
It's January. Last May me and my best friend went to a mini-course University program. We were in two different classes. After the first day, she came on the bus saying how hot a guy in her class was. Ever since that day she was madly in love with this guy she had never actually spoken to. She stole a piece of paper with his last name, got his e-mail over a search on the net, and gave it to me to ask him if he liked her. I asked him. He didn't like her, he didn't even know her. I kept his e-mail and One day when I was bored, I talked to him. We had so much in common, and I knew somewhere inside I needed to meet him. We met. And we fell in love. So perfect you might think. I thought so too. I must be honest. After about 2 months, I broke up with him to go out with someone who would be easier to go out with. And it was easier, but I wasn't in love. After much turmoil, we both found our way back to each other in December. Last night he told me in September he cheated on me and hadn't told me for 4 months.
I am crushed. I love him, I already told him I would not break up with him. He was shocked at that. I promised my love to him... I committed. I will not leave because of hard times. But when is hard considered too hard? Last night I cut my wrist. Not with the intention of ending my life, but the intention of anger and pain and no let out for it. I thought we had recovered when he dropped the bomb on me.
Why hadn't he told me for 4 months? Why did he lie and let us share so many special times when he had this dark secret? Why didn't I leave him? I'm still trying to figure it out, maybe I never will.
Dear Lover, I can't take the pain no more.
Dear Lover, pick my heart up from the floor.
Dear Lover, I can't believe it's come to this.
Dear Lover, give me one last painful kiss.
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