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18 May, 2004

It was last year when I met him during a school carnival. I was walking with my friend into the school of business when she bumped into her classmates. I didn't know what actually happened but I remembered I was staring at this particular guy in the group. From that day onwards, he never left my mind.

After months of consideration, I finally took the first step. I wrote a letter to him confessing I actually was attracted by him and if we could be friends. I got my friend to pass him the letter and we started being friends.

At first, he didn't know what I looked like as he didn't remember seeing me. One day, my friend tricked me into going to her computer lab. He was there. It was then we first met and spoke. He shook my hand and introduced himself. Ever since then, I started seeing more of him.

I started sending him messages to his cell phone daily. It could be a daily good-night message or just to tell him to take care. He would usually reply to my messages. One day, after the exams, I finally asked him out. We went to eat dinner and after that, we went back to school at night and sat at the exit staircase staring at the stars, drinking and chatting. It was then I felt that I was really in love with this guy. He sent me home later. From that day on, I could not get him out of my mind.

Somehow, I started seeing him quite often. He works at Starbucks so I would go there to study and hang out. Hanging out was just an excuse for me to see him. We would bump into each other in school daily and smile and say Hi. Sometimes, we would joke around and just chat.

During Christmas, I bought a gift for him. It took me some time to actually pass it to him. He was appreciative. In return, he gave me a wallet. At first, I was joyful. Then, I found out he gave my friend a Christmas present too when she hadn't bought him anything. But that didn't mean anything to me. Receiving a gift from him was all I could think of.

Months later, after our second trip to the movies we started seeing each other less and the messages became less. After 4 months, I finally got my friend to ask whether he liked me or he knew my feelings for him. All the while, she wanted to ask him that but I wasn't ready to face the truth. Deep down in my heart, I actually knew the answer but I couldn't face up to reality. After 4 months, I felt I was ready.

I got my answer. He rejected me. He didn't like me. However, my friend didn't tell me that. Instead, she got another friend to tell me the answer over the phone. I kept silent and tears started falling from my eyes. The tears just kept falling. It didn't stop.

My heart was shattered. It left a scar behind. I no longer can love. I no longer can face him. To me, love was a mistake. But I would never regret ever loving him.

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