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15 March, 2009
When I was in my 5th Grade in a certain Private school, I noticed a boy that I have never seen before. I later found out from a friend of mine that he is a first year student. I had always watched him whenever I had a free time and later I developed this as a hobby. I just thought that everything I have been doing is out of curiosity so I think I am still fine. But when a time came that he sat on the same bench I was sitting, he is only half a meter away from me. There are also other people on the bench but I only acknowledge his presence. He never looked at me but I felt very satisfied with what happened and I wished that I can talk to him somehow.
My very close friends noticed me so they kept bugging me about him. My friend's brother is his classmate so she kept collecting information about him. I was always in denial because I have this reputation of being a top student and having falling in love with some lad is a big no no. But my friend still kept giving me these information so I can't help it. I always have this weird feeling about him that I have never felt before so I kept that inside myself.
When my other friends learned that I have a crush on him, they kept teasing me in front of him. I am always a very shy person when I am in front of someone I don't know so I kept getting angry at them.
It was our finals so I when I was just eating my snack, my friends insisted on persisting to come with them. So I have no choice but to come with them. My two male friends are on my sides and the ultimate mastermind is on my front so I kept being very suspicious about their actions.
Then I saw him, sitting pretty on a bench and looking straight at me. I felt something kicked inside my stomach with his stare. I felt some very hot liquid is pouring all over my body when we are getting closer to him. I barely move my feet to my shock. My male friends noticed me and hold my arm and almost dragged me to reach him.
"She has a crush on you." My friend said to him.
"Oh really?" he asked very warmly.
"Yeah...We will just leave you two alone, ok?" and she left leaving us alone and my other friends left 3 meters away from us.
"So? Hi! I'm ******" He stretched his hands for a handshake. I didn't took it because I am still in a state of shock. I noticed that I am sweating for my nervousness.
"Ok. Do you want a text mate? Wait, do you have a cell phone?" he asked me pleasantly.
When he looked down, he silently reached out for his card. All of a sudden, I have this wake up call all over my body. Something is wrong. I should have run and forget everything about it a while ago. Why am I still here? Before he looked at me, I run. My other male friends followed me but its too late. I am already at my class and a sudden guilt rushed through my veins. He is only being nice at me. Why do I need to leave him like that? He is just being social but I just treated him like that. I know that its for my favor but I just wasted my chance to get to know him personally.All because of my shyness and pride.
After so many years, he is the only guy that still think about. I never had crushes besides him in my life. Even though I know that I should move on for what I have done but I still can't get him out of my head. Even today, I am not sure what kind of feeling do I have with him. I don't know if its a crush or love. What do you think?