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Confused and Done

01 July, 2008

It was the summer. It was beautiful, hot and humid. I was going to attend 8th grade once school started and though i went through my whole Seventh grade year with relationships that last no more than a week. I never once claimed to be in love with anyone. Actually most of the guys i dated i ended because they claimed they loved me or i was tired of them. So, This summer I thought it will like any other day, a day where i live lfe on the edge on the single life.I knew the games men played, and I knew the only way to be successful was to play them, to break their heart and completely in love with you so you can tell them, " You and I will never be in love. Love is a state of mind. It's not real." However, thisschool yearall my ways would change all because of a "hook-up." My sister was two years older than me. She was talking on the phone with her friend who she consider to be a brother, and a boy that she was dating. I was on the computer, surfing and chatting on my-space where i had many offers of relation-ships from the people that attended my school. Suddenly My sister approached me. She simply asked me if i was seeing any-one. I responded with a "no, just playing with a few guys minds as usual. why?" and she then spoke about her friend she was talking on the phone to, and how she thinks we would be great together even possibly fall in love with each other. The only thing i thought was another guy who won't get sex from me just his heart broken. but, when he and i started talking, i was head over heels for him. It seemed that none of my tactics worked and I actually enjoy his company. We eventually started dating and since day one of us being a couple we said "I Love You." by the third month however, doubts and arguments were daily. No matter what though we promised to stay faithful to stay together. Only one of us kept that promise and that wasn't him. He cheated on me and had been since the fifth month us being together. But, even though it went against all that i believed in such situation i stayed with him. It was only then that the arguments got worst and the doubts getting higher.Not evenweek after our 11 month anniversary he broke it off with me. And I became that girl that i swore to my-self never to become. I cried, i was desperate, and missed him dearly, but it didn't last because i told my self I can make it and i didn't need him, Love is just a state of mind. We talked and he claimed to still be in love with me, that he broke up to make me happy. I told him I'm still in love with him also, I will also be there for him and I'm Still in love with him also. I meant it and still do. But, I wasn't going to let him win any more I started dating with out telling him. I'm in a relationship that I'm not planning to let him know about even if he want to get with me. I do Love Him but i Can't take the confusion.

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