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Chris and I

15 October, 2000


Chris and I first got together in school when we were 15, we had known each other since we were eleven but back then he was just the rough kid from up the road. We were sat in the maths class and he said something really funny to the teacher that made me laugh. That was the first time I really noticed he was there. A few days later one of my friends was having her 16th birthday party that he had been invited to by my best friends brother. I spent all night looking at him just wanting him to look at me. He never did, but I knew that if I went to see my friend everyday eventually he would be there. One day he was. It turned out that he was really interested in motorbikes and didnít have much time for girls. I got my dad to buy me an old moped for my 16th and as soon as I got it I sped round to Chrisí and asked if he wanted a go, we spent all day taking it in turns to ride around, we got on really well that day. We kissed.


He left school and went to work in a garage and I stayed on in the sixth form, we were inseparable until I went onto college and my new circle of friends made him feel a bit left out, so we drifted apart. I thought of Chris a lot and every now and then friends would tell me that they had seen him out and about and I always felt disappointed if they said Chris was with another girl. A few years went by and I was celebrating my 21st birthday in a nightclub, Chris was there, he came up to me kissed me on the cheek and just said I knew youíd be here, all the old memories came flooding back and we started seeing each other again. We got married when we were both 24 Chris had his own garage and I wanted a baby. I became pregnant in 1994 but miscarried, it was an awful time but I think it brought us closer together. In Ď95 I was expecting again but miscarried a second time, we were both devastated. I fell pregnant late in 97 and everything was really great, everything was going fine I had passed three months and we allowed ourselves to start choosing names, Matthew for a boy and Sarah for a girl. Chris was so chuffed, we both felt that this time it was for real.


When I was 8 months pregnant there was a knock on the door, Chris had been involved in a motorbike accident on the way home from work and the police asked me to go to the hospital. As soon as I got there a doctor told me Chris had died in the ambulance, I didnít know what to do, I didnít know what to say. Chris had left us.


I gave birth to a baby six weeks later, a baby boy. I called him Chris. The baby will never know his real father I know that Chris would have made a wonderful dad.



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