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Cheated out of love twice

30 March, 2002


I was 16 and met the man I knew I was meant to marry. We fell in love and married within a year, I wasn't pregnant, he was very impatient to start life.


We waited a couple of years then had a son a few years later our lives complete we had a beautiful little girl. It was the happiest day of my life. I had already achieved the fairytale. A wonderful husband and two children. We had some bad luck, we started our own company in the oil patch. The first year the company we worked for went bankrupt, we lost almost everything we earned $100,000.00. We were devastated but thanks to a trusting bank, kept going. The next year was better, but then the bottom dropped out of the oil patch. We bought an old used gravel truck hoping to supplement our income in the summer. Six weeks later my husband was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour. The only thing he asked the Dr. was to give him enough time to get his family out of debt. The Dr. told me he that maybe he had two years to live and would never work again. Not enough time to clear up an 80,000.00 debt. I was scared, a high school dropout, two kids to care for and I was losing the man I loved. Our dream was shattered, not the 'happily-ever-after'.


My husband was a very determined man. The Dr.'s called it a miracle, I called it determination, love, devotion and commitment. He lived six amazing, painful, heart wrenching, memorable years. He did work again and did get us out of debt. He left this earth knowing that he had done all he could to give his family security.


It took me over four years to move forward with my life. Then I met the gentlest most caring man. I fell in love again. I didn't think it was possible. The only problem was that he lived 700 miles away and was unable to move because he needed to have close access to his daughter who lived with his ex. I was scared, but after losing love once decided that love was worth the risk.


I sold my home, moved my very reluctant grade 11 daughter to this new place. It was rocky from the start, his place, rebuilding the old family farm house, costly time-consuming and stressful. Add to that a 12 year old daughter that had never had to share her dad. You have disaster. We loved each other very much. The time we had together was wonderful. Unfortunately life interfered. His daughter was very demanding, he was used to giving her what she wanted. By this time I had worked as a special needs teaching assistant for 12 years. I maybe had to much information on behaviour problems because I instinctively wanted to correct hers. He objected until it became clear pleasing her was his priority. He had only been married 4 years the first time and alone for 12. He knew how to please his daughter but not a wife. We also lived surrounded by his family. He needed and relied on them for almost all his self worth. In time I started falling apart, I came to realize that his love for me was conditional to being pleasing his child whether it was good for her or not. I couldn't do it. I had to do what was best, not easiest. It eventually destroyed me.


I cared for my first husband up to his death. Keeping him at home, holding him in my arms as he died. Knowing I had done the best I could. I could not be anything but true to my belief that sometimes you have to say no to a child. I had raised two great kids. That inspite of all they had been through they never rebelled or caused me any real difficulty. I eventually had a breakdown. I ended up in the hospital and had decided to leave. When I came out I changed my mind, I was gong to try again. He told me that as far as he was concerned it was over. I just didn't know how to quit I guess. I left heartbroken at failing. I left behind a beautiful just completed house and a yard worth putting in home and garden magazine. I was so tired of starting over. I hoped he would miss me and realize how important I was to him. He never called. I called begging to come home he said "no" I kept waiting and hoping. I kept calling, he kept shutting the door. I decided I had to so something before I lost my mind; I started an upgrading program at the College and plan to continue to become a teacher so I can support myself. I am living in my parents basement and going to school. I told my husband I won't divorce because I can't lose a second love so stupidly. He would have to do it. He said he would.


The finale, I lost most of the remaining money in the home. The lawyer said I just went to the school of hard knocks, any money invested was a gift to the marriage and kiss it goodbye. I know why was I so stupid. My husband showed me all the bills he has that go against the equity of the house. He has to pay me next to nothing.


Love makes the smartest person stupid. I based my second husband on my first, never quit, keep working until it works, or the job is done. Was the job done for number two husband. Was he only interested in getting the money and then when I became too demanding expecting to be put before his daughter I wasn't worth the work. He said it was best to send me home. That he could not give me what I needed.


Heartbroken and foolish.

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