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Chased by the ghost of yesterday past

15 December, 2008

Yesterday when i was 16 years old, now 33,i fell for a young boy18,that now is 35 andnowismy ex-husband too,he was my fantasy come true. See when iwas16 andbefore imetmy nightin shiningarmori had a beautiful baby boy, igotpregnantat15.Iwasashamed of me not my son.I felt bad and lost but when i met him, that guy, that float when he walked withaangel face and a tongue that could not tell a lie and that except me and my child and never looked at me out of a judging eye, i was enthralled by thisand never new whathitme fromtheirhe tookmybreatheaway.Hegave me something that i should ofgave him, he'svirginity,but he toldme thisafterthefact.I toldhimifhe would oftoldme thatbefore thefactI would of neverlaidwithhimbecause i felt that heshouldsharehis first timewith someonethat wasaspure ashim.,he reassured methathe thought it out andnew iwas the onetosharethissacrificeof love withI felt blessedby his reasoningandhe madeit easier to excepted.Al thoughtI wasyoung whenIhada baby Iloved the lordbutguiltandshamemadeithardfor me to hold myhead upbutI decided togo backto church even if thatmeantgiving upmy night and shining armour.OnedayI felt itwas time to tellhimthatI made the choice to go back toGOD evenif thatmeant losinghim, but much to my surprisehe waswhere iwas at, a cross road ofdecision in our life to do the right thing so I joined his church and enjoyed every minute of it I was feeling better about my life.Thisyoung man love me so muchthat he never wanted me out of his sight my mother told mesomething was wrong with this picturebut i reassured her it was because he loved me so much,how young dumb. I married him because it was the right thing to do in the sight of GOD! I was 18 and he was 20 when we got married. things got worse he began to accuse me of cheating even with people in the church makingscene OH by the way i became with child again at 17this is one of the factor why we got marriedand alsoi loved him but my night in shining Armour drained my youth broke me down and left me for another young lady and got married toher, told me i was no longer his soul mate before they got marriedthe day he decide to call me up onthe phone and make me aware of him leaving me for her we had our problems but i always felt we could work Thur anything i was wrong he walked out my life march 12 1995. Sometimes he will try to see whats going on in my life in his own way. I have gone on with my life and hadanother beautiful child that has added tomy life but still at times i can feel the same hurt like when he walked out my life for the first time with such hate and disregard for what i Thought we shared together Inever regret for marrying himi just regret for how it turned out, but lifehas gone on for me and him but at times not the hurt, DEC15,2008

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