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03 February, 2009
It was more than a year and a half now when that painful experience started to preoccupy me. I'm sure that at this point in time, I moved on, I'm already over him. Yeah, that's what I keep telling myself. Somehow repeating those words in my mind gives me comfort; somehow it helps me ease away some sorrow left in me. It was a painful break up, actually not in his part but in mine. I was the one who suffered while he was enjoying. I was the one crying while he was laughing. Those were the tormenting days of my life. The sad part is he didn't know how much I suffered. He had no idea how much misery he had brought me.
"I'm getting married next year."
I left my mobile phone just the other day (November 11, 2008 to be exact) here in my room. When I get back from work I noticed that there are few text messages. Aside from the usual forwarded quotes there's this message which catch my attention. It was from an unknown sender, the number is not saved in my phonebook. I knew it was him. I'm sure of that. I erased his number recently because I realized that he doesn't want to communicate with me anymore, or should I say I don't want to communicate with him anymore. At some point I'm mad at him because he didn't greet me on my birthday. I don't know if I have the right to feel like that. Maybe he forgot it, which I find impossible; or maybe he just doesn't want to greet me. I'm not really sure.
"He's so unfair."
I can't believe that I will utter those words again. The first time I said it was when I found out that he had another girlfriend 2 months after we broke up. I was browsing his Friendster Account in an internet cafe that time. I had to hide my tears from the other customers. It was only 2 months and I haven't recovered that much from the break up. I went home telling my self how unfair he was and cried myself in my room. Am I that easy to forget? I don't understand how he can commit himself in a new relationship that fast. For me 2 months is not enough to get over him. I'm still in the process of trying to forget memories from our almost 2-year-relationship.
When his birthday came this year I called him and greet him. I wanted to show him that I'm okay, that we're okay. It was a short and fun conversation. After the call I felt happy, because I knew that he's happy with his life, with his current relationship, and that he's doing well. He wants us to be in good terms. After a year from our break up we started to have communication again. He asked for my new number when I was online that time chatting. He started to tell me updates with his older sister, his dad, when they moved in to a new place, in his new job, and even some problems concerning his girlfriend. We were in good terms, yeah I knew that.
Few months ago, that was on June, he asked me out for a bite, "for old times sake". If his girlfriend found out that he went out with me, she'll be mad, well that's his problem. He looks the same. He's the old him I knew. I noticed the way he ate his burger, I smiled to myself coz I knew he got that trait from me. I find it funny that I still had something left in him. It was uneventful but then I realized that the pain had passed. I'm over him. Finally I can bravely say that I moved on. After seeing him I knew that the suffering is over. I can have a new life without him.
After his birthday I haven't heard from him. He didn't greet me on my birthday. I really don't care that much but I just find it confusing of what he's trying to pull out. After a few months of no communication he suddenly tells me that he's getting married next year. Duh! What the hell am I suppose to feel? That instant I read his message I had mixed emotions. Will I cry just like before? Good thing I didn't. Am I hurt? Ummm, well I have to admit that there's still a small part in me hoping, or wishing that we can be together again. Since the break up there are no days that he didn't cross my mind. But knowing that he's getting married made me realize that we're not really meant to be together. I really need to let go of him already. I'm glad that I have reasons of not expecting something from him. I know I was hurt badly before, but just like him I need to go on this life and just treasure good memories from the past. Yeah it was a dreadful experience but I knew that even though we part ways, even though we may find new love in the future, no one can erase the fact that we were once together, and some traits will be imparted forever just like with the way he ate his burger.. =)