Married 11 years. This is my one and only love. He proposed to me on a playground. This was the man who taught me the meaning of love. We were a part of what God truly meant to be as husband and wife. My best friend, an aura of comfort as I held him in my arms. Every physical and spiritual fulfilment in a man I ever wanted. Not once did I want anyone else. No one could take his place.
We were to renew our vows. I practiced for months, my new vows-I would repeat them in the car, or in the grocery store silently. I could not wait to begin our next years with good histories, and good hearts. To show him in renewed vows how over many years, ups and downs, I held solid in my devotion.
And then promises were broken.
At first I focused mainly on how I couldn't even breathe without him. A pattern of hurtful words, plans never made and even an affair. I endured pulling him back from someone else's arms, his eyes so sincere with lies, his words so very melodical and spellbinding. I listened believing every word he said. I crushed every time he entered a room. I could not see or believe what was going on. No Christmas presents, no birthday presents, no anniversary plans carried through, talking to me like I was a stranger, a list too long to share.
I often asked myself, 'What did I do?' or 'Why did he do this?' It took a while for me to figure this out. He had changed. I did not change. My love was still strong. I could battle all external things, but not the man himself.
His last promise he made was that he was going to come back to me and we would live together always, never to be apart, grow old together. He told me he cried when he thought of what a mistake it was he said by telling me goodbye two days after Christmas. Then just weeks ago he tells me that his job has become more important and he knows I have a job that I finally have after years of looking. When a man picks a job over his wife...well it's time to leave. But that's not the worst promise broken.
The one thing I asked him not to break was that I asked him not to put me through any more pain. This was my final outcome.
I took the final step and decided to walk away. I am ready now. He has lost the one thing he should have never let go of. I think I deserve better. I am the one who has no guilt, or remorse. And it takes my own strength to break the chains I put on myself by loving a man and forgetting to respect myself.
There is strength in the power of goodbye, it all begins with courage.