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Broken engagement

15 March, 2002

I first met Chris on a blind date through a friend. We hit it off really well the first night. We talked on the phone weekly and after about a month we started getting serious.

Nine months later we got engaged. I will admit, we were not ready to get married, I loved him but I wasn't ready mentally. Marriage scared him to death because he was still in debt from college. We were getting pressure from my parents because I moved in with him and they didn't feel it was right.

Two months before the wedding Chris decided that he was not ready to get married mostly because of financial reasons. We were having some relationship problems also and so I agreed as devestated as I was that we cancel and try to work out our relationship since we still deeply loved and cared for each other. As hard as it was, we told everyone that we were not ready and cancelled the wedding after the shower invitations went out.

I gave Chris back the ring and told him that some day when he is ready he can give it back to me on his own terms and not my parents. One year later to the day that we were supposed to get married he gave me back the ring all on his own. I was so happy! That was this past Sept. and now we planned for a June wedding.

A couple of weeks ago, three 1/2 months before the wedding, and already $4000 into the preparation of the two weddings, Chris decides that he doesn't know if he wants to get married. He said that he loves me and cares for me so much, but he doesn't think he is in love with me anymore. It is breaking my heart. Why did he give me back the ring?

We have been together for 3 1/2 years and I can't imagine my life without him. We are so close and my parents love him as if he were their own. This time I am losing him forever and he says he can't talk to me about it because it breaks his heart to see me cry. I moved out as hard as it was because me being there only made it worse for the both of us.

Now I have to explain again to my friends and family that there is no wedding again. I feel so lonely and depressed without him because I love him so much and we were inseparable for 3 1/2years.

My best friend is getting married in three weeks and I am the Maid of Honour. I am trying to be happy for her, but Chris robbed me of my happiness! I am trying to think about how cruel this is of him, but I can't help but love him because he is my best friend and he really is a genuine nice guy and he would do anything in the world for me.

I guess only time heals all wounds.

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