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Broken, But Saved..

06 July, 2007

I'm 17 turning 18 soon to come, ivehad a hard life when it comes to the word '"love". I grew up with a Best friend, only new him as a friend, he thort otherwise, but he didint tell me couse he thort i was to young, to reveal what he felt for me for the coming yrs, i was 15 and he 18 turning 19. On my birthday i get the news that he had passed away, what a time be told ay :S well he had told me 15 was going to be the best birthday EVER! i rang and i rang, nothing... Was he really gone, or is it a real sick joke? well i rang his mum, once i rang her and herd her voice she was in tears and said we had lost him. I couldnt beleive had to go and see it for my self, so i went down to his house, heapz of people everywere i found his mum she was devistated, y were they crying? :S, she took me by the arm and said come with me crying.. she took me up to his room, i felt so miserable in there, felt dull, sickening, she gave me hic daily dairy he had a diary! :S she said his gone and he would want me to give you this, so i took it home & crying, i went to my room locked the door and started to read, there pictures of me n him, and he was explaining how he loved me but new he couldt tell me, he would tell me at a young age either i would think he was a freak and would wanna avoid him, he was clearly scared i wouldnt wana no nothing about him. This is how i found out he loved me, i was devistated, i loved him:S i didint tell him but I LOVED HIM! it was my 16 birthday i locked myself in my room didint even want to celebrate. I loged on the net, on that same day, on msn some stranger i ididnt no him, but had added me, we started to talk he said that a friend gave me email as well as my foto, we was nice we talk for about 6 mnths constantly everyday, then he said that he hadfeelings for me, i was like what ever...But he would beg me :S he said he really loved me :S i told him how odd it would be to be dating! on msn! noway...he said that kills me to but he told me that everthing would be a okay, i thort oh what the hell ill go for it, nothing to loose. afcourse i hadnt dated since the death. he was saposibly the first. after a while i realise i had feeling for this dude on the net! Weird.. but i did, i come from a over proteckted family, i couldt tell them i had met someone on the net and that i loved him, no way.. so ive kept it a secret but his become my everthing talkin to him nite and day on the fone etc. and its been 2 yrz, i carnt take it no more, my family is falling apart, i had no1 but him, so i ran away to him and to let you no he lives on the other side of the world but i ran away to him with out nyone here having a clew bout him or y i ran away. he looks after me as a princess, and never been happy.

i guess thing would happening for the best...

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