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Bless The Broken Road
24 November, 2007
I don't know if I should have loved someone or not. I won't really know now because he's dead. From 2005 to 2006 I fell in love with a guy. He literally meant everything to me. I would have given him anything and everything, and he would have done the same for me. But I was in college and he was in high school, so with us being separated for so long it was just a lot to handle.
When i came back the summer of 06 we broke up, totally tragic. He had a job at hollister, and be being the crazy ex that i was at the time. I decided to get a job at hollister as well. That didn't work that well we had random make out sessions but nothing more. Anyway we never really got over each other, we still talk to this day about how no one has measured up even though we've both tried. But going back to the summer of 07. The summer of 07 i decided that i would not fall in love and i would not get into a serious relationship. I wanted the summer to just be fun because ultimately it would be my last one before i graduated and started working in hospitals.
But of course I met someone summer of 07 at downtown INdy. I met him through one of my friends from hollister who just so happened to like me as well. We immediately hit it off(the guy of the friend who liked me introduced me to). He had an innocent demeanor, yet was totally naughty. He liked to have fun, he was smart, he was young but he lived on his own. Initially everything was great. I took him rock climbing for our first date and he loved it even though he was afraid of heights. We dated for awhile, he made me breakfast in bed every morning. Even though i liked him a lot i was determined not to fall in love with him. I knew at the end of the summer i'd go back to school and he'd stay home. I didn't want to go through it again.
Eventually i'd start picking out little things that'd annoy me in our relationship. I hated the fact that he drank to drown sorrows. He smoked a lot of pot..... but so do did I. He didn't think before he acted, one day he just walked out of his job and ultimately got fired. I didn't want to have that kind of stuff in my life as a professional so eventually we broke up. Since my summer roommates loved him he was still constantly there. so of course we got back together. When we got back together he would play one song constantly. Bless The Broken Road by Rascall Flats. I never listened to the song. I'd always make him turn it off or walk out of the room.
The entirety of our relationship something always told me not to fall for him, so i didnt. But now that i think about it every sign says maybe we should have stayed together. We stayed together even when i came back to school in terre haute. he moved to bloomington to live with some of my friends. Very spontaneous kid like that. It was nice, but i couldn't handle it i'm a taurus i need things steady. Eventually we broke up again.
He treated me amazing, but he'd get angry if i couldn't call him. I was a nursing student and he wanted to party it just couldn't match. Even when he'd come to visit he'd want to go smoke somewhere because my singledorm room was too boring. During the entirety of the relationship he was amazing, and i was the bad boyfriend..... seriously. He treated me amazing he just did stupid things.
I went to bloomington a couple of weekends to visit with my friends he was living with. One weekend September 8th 2007 we were all doing our usual drinking and partying. He and i got into a huge fight. Physical yelling all and all just bad. I went to lay down he told me he loved me.... I don't remember if i said it back to him or not. He went to drive to terre haute because one of my friends that i introduced him to said she needed him. It's an hour drive i tried to get him to stay but i was to drunk tired and at that time i just didn't care to stop him. He left drunk i called his mom and sister to tell him he was leaving. The next morning at 5 am his mom called me and told me he died in a car accident. It was a bad day. I wake up everyday asking myself if i loved him or not, and what might have happened if i tried harder in the relationship. A week or two ago i finally listened ot the song Bless The Broken Road. Even though he played it all summer it was my first time actually listening to it. The song says that the people who have broke my heart were northern stars that led me to the love of my life. By following the The guy that broke my heart to hollister i met the guy that treated me like i was the most important thing ever. But since i didn't want a relationship then i refused to believe in him. Now he's gone and i ask myself. Was the feeling telling me not to fall for him keeping me from feeling so much more pain when he died. Or were the signs that i ignored pointing me to keep him alive.